Here are the top ten mistakes that we have compiled from their years of dating and relationship experience:
Mistake #1: Misunderstanding Men and How They Think
It’s downright confusing to interpret half of what a man says, not to mention the confusing things he does. Misinterpreting our words and actions is one of the greatest mistakes that can bring a relationship to its knees or send the man of your dreams running in the other direction. It could be as simple as a misinterpretation of a single word or gesture.
Women often don’t understand how to correctly interpret what we say and do, and most of the time, it’s the opposite of what you think. Your natural instinct and emotions as a woman do not always yield the best decisions when it comes to understanding a man, and your resulting actions end up creating the opposite of the desired effect. Once you understand the way we think, you’ll be able to accurately decipher his actions and conduct yourself accordingly to bring the outcome you desire.
MISTAKE #2: Looking for Money or Physical Characteristics
As the old saying goes, you can’t judge a book by its cover. All too often, we see women who are lured by a man’s wealth, belongings, or good looks. What they don’t realize is that all men know the game, whether they’re rich or poor. Money equals sex. Any man knows that he can attract (and sleep with) plenty of women who are attracted to these things. He’ll use this to his full advantage, whether or not he truly possesses them. Is that fair? No, but life’s not fair.
Beware of the man who flashes money or a nice car to get your attention. He’s playing the game, and he will certainly catch a multitude of women who are looking for the wrong things. If you’re only seeking a wealthy, good-looking man, then that’s fine, as long as you’re honest about it. But if you’re searching for a real, long-lasting relationship with the man of your dreams, keep your options open. Many good men are practically invisible to women because they don’t fit a physical or financial description. You’re only limiting your opportunities by restricting yourself to a certain “type” or status.
Too many women make the mistake of basing decisions on superficial characteristics that can fade away with time, not to mention have nothing to do with the true essence of who a man is. To create a long-lasting relationship, your intentions must be sincere, and you must develop well-balanced criteria. Approach each potential relationship as if you have zero and he has zero. Understanding how to identify a man’s true character, and not being fooled by what he has, is one of the key steps to finding the man of your dreams.
MISTAKE #3: Not Taking Responsibility or Action
Nothing in this world is free. No one owes you anything. It’s surprising to us that a lot of good women sit around just waiting for Prince Charming to storm the castle walls and save them. It sounds nice in a book, but the real world isn’t a fairy tale. If you want to increase your chances of finding the man of your dreams, you need to be proactive in your search. This doesn’t mean throwing yourself to the wolves or even settling for the first dude that comes your way. It means working on self-improvement. Just like you women are, men are just as selective. We don’t want to be in a serious relationship with a woman who doesn’t bring something to the table, just like you don’t want to deal with a no-good scoundrel of a man. Work on yourself first, and you’d be surprised at the quality of men that’ll come your way.
A solid relationship is often described as two halves coming together to complete a whole. What isn’t said is that each half has to be whole within themselves. It’s a huge mistake to think that a man is going to make you happy without taking the responsibility to first be happy within yourself. If you have to look for a man to make you happy, you’ve lost already. (The first mistake is looking for happiness outside of yourself, and the second is thinking that the man of your dreams is responsible for your happiness. The third mistake is not realizing that the man of your dreams doesn’t want to be 100% responsible for your inner happiness. The last and greatest mistake is failing to realize that your happiness is 100% your responsibility. )The man of your dreams is looking for the woman who recognizes her self-worth, has invested in herself, and can grow with him. Life is a journey of self-discovery. Allowing yourself to be in a mental, physical, or even spiritual rut really puts that journey on pause.
Finding the man of your dreams requires you to take action. It’s essential to learn about yourself and what steps you can take to achieve happiness before looking to enter a relationship. Learn how to overcome any blocks and recognize any negative patterns that may be preventing you from finding the man of your dreams. If you want the man of your dreams, actively pursue and educate yourself on how to best achieve your goal.
MISTAKE #4: Seeking the Approval of Friends, Family, Society
Peer pressure and societal influence can contribute to this very dangerous mistake. It’s hard enough to find the man of your dreams based on your own wants and needs. Adding someone else’s, or multiple someone else’s, can be daunting and virtually impossible to satisfy. The man of your dreams may not be the man of your mother’s dreams, or your friend’s dreams. At the end of the day, you’re going to be the one investing your life with this person – you and only you. While it’s understandable to seek the approval of your friends and family, it’s ultimately your life.
Pay close attention to the people who have a problem with who you’re dating. Are your bitter, single girlfriends the ones with the issues? Maybe it’s a malcontent parent. Look, misery loves company, even if it happens to be your friends who are the miserable ones. They’ll try to draw you into their respective miserable dating worlds if you’re not careful. They’ll have you doubting your man if you let them. Give them a deaf ear to hurl their mud at. Go about your business making yourself happy.
We’ve seen many cases in which a woman ignored the man who was really right for her and instead chose to be with someone because he “fit the description” – and ended up miserable in the long run. The man of your dreams is the man who loves you, treats you right, and possesses qualities you admire – you just need to be able to identify him without the influence of what others say he’s supposed to be like. The man of your dreams is looking for a strong, confident woman who can make decisions on her own, regardless of any peer pressure.
MISTAKE #5: Being Afraid to Be Open, Friendly, or Smile
The dating world can be a rather heartless place. If you’ve dealt with enough B.S. from the opposite sex, your natural reaction is to put up a wall. No one likes to get hurt repeatedly, so we adapt. We close ourselves off. We become suspicious of advances from the opposite sex. We stop being friendly. We stop being open. We’re just trying to protect ourselves. We understand – men do it too. But if you want to have a chance at meeting the man of your dreams, you’re going to have to figure out a way to safely let the walls down.
It’s difficult enough as it is for us to approach you. If you’re not smiling, we don’t know whether to approach you, ignore you, or run in the other direction. Wearing a smile on your face may sound simplistic, but it’s one of the best ways to open yourself up to meeting a potential man of your dreams. Not every man who approaches you is out to get you. Assume that most of us just want to say hello.
Also, there’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Always err on the side of confidence by responding with a humble and polite attitude, and you’ll never go wrong. There is no need to fear, because if you pay attention and know what to listen for, you’ll know everything you need to know within the first sixty seconds. Even if he’s not the man of your dreams, he might know someone who knows the man of your dreams – you just have to be open.
MISTAKE #6: Having Expectations Beyond Reason
We all want the very best for ourselves, and when it comes to our ideal life-long partner we tend to overreach with our expectations. When seeking the man of your dreams, try to avoid this misstep at all costs. Do not raise your expectations so high that you lose an otherwise terrific guy, or bounce someone out of the running because they lack a few of your requirements.
We’re not saying you should ever lower your standards, but you need to know if what you’re looking for is realistic. A man you are interested in may have most of the qualities you seek, but your ideas of perfection can overshadow these qualities. Perfection would be fantastic, but it is unreasonable to expect. Continuing to search for someone who may not actually exist due to your unrealistic expectations will only lead to loneliness.
All too often, we see women who look for characteristics in a man for the wrong reasons, and end up with unreasonable expectations of what they think the man of their dreams will be like. Consequently, they end up hurt, bitter, alone, and hating men. Educating yourself and receiving practical, grounded, and objective guidance will prevent you from getting carried away and missing your chance to find the real man of your dreams and living your happily ever after.
MISTAKE #7: Rushing, Being Impatient, or Lowering Standards Because of a Timeline
This is perhaps the most dreaded mistake of all. It is so dreaded that for men, we feel that some women are on such a crunched timeline that they could be with anyone who told them what they wanted to hear, including the family dog. Woof. We know this sounds harsh, but it’s the way we feel when we’re faced with a woman on a timeline. It will make the man of your dreams feel unimportant, as if none of his wonderful qualities even matter if he doesn’t say he’s ready for a commitment right now. He’ll be interested in you, but because he feels you can’t truly see him, this will eventually lead him away from you. So many times, we see women who made bad decisions based upon their rush to get married or have children by a certain age, and ended up unhappy in the long run. Desperation leads to bad decisions every time.
A relationship is the most important investment you will ever make – emotionally, physically, financially, mentally, or spiritually. Don’t rely on your own sanity when you’re under the influence of a timeline. Know that you’re rushing and may not be able to think clearly or rationally.
MISTAKE #8: Thinking Negative Thoughts Instead of Positive Outcomes
You are what you think. Your thoughts become your reality. Most people don’t realize how influential their own thoughts and words are. The man is not necessarily thinking the negative thoughts you’re thinking, but if you keep repeating them to him, they’ll start to come true in your relationship.
Plus, understanding and accentuating the positive instead of the negative reflects in your demeanor. It affects the way you look, the way you sound, and has the amazing ability to affect those around you. Everybody, especially men, wants to be around positive, happy people.
If you’ve ever felt that all men are the same, that you may as well give up, or that you’ll end up lonely and never find the man of your dreams – repeating these thoughts to yourself will only give them life. Please don’t repeat these thoughts to yourself – do just the opposite. Tell yourself you will find the man of your dreams. It may not happen overnight, but it is possible to find the man of your dreams and have a fulfilling relationship with the right tools.
MISTAKE #9: Investing in Your Outer Appearance But Neglecting to Invest in Your Inner Self
An attractive, sexy outer appearance, without any substance and understanding behind it, may get you a date, but it will not get you the man of your dreams. Your looks may attract a man, but they will not keep him.
Yes, we love to look at beautiful women and can be temporarily blinded by infatuation. But if that beautiful woman has no inner beauty, her outer beauty will not save her place with the man of her dreams. As soon as we find out that a woman’s shell is empty, we’ll put her in the booty call or the “fun” category. For a committed, long-lasting relationship, men look for substance beyond the outer shell. Attract the man of your dreams with your outer, but keep him with your inner.
MISTAKE #10: Not Knowing the Difference Between Sex and Love
This is a big one. Most men spend all of our lives trying to enter back into the place from which we came. There is no place like home base.
Most men love sex. Just pure sex. The problem stems from the fact that men and women look at sex completely differently. A man who loves you will not have sex with you if you are irritating the hell out of him. But he would have sex with a stranger because there is no deeply stressing emotional component. Let’s be clear. This is the way that we think. A one night stand is sex, not love. If we don’t have any type of relationship or commitment to you, we’re just having sex in our minds. Sex to us is anything outside of commitment. Love falls within those commitments.
Women tend to have trouble differentiating between sex and love. Understanding the inner workings of the minds of men is key to your success. Only through understanding a man’s thinking can you identify the difference between sex and love, and decipher these costly emotional delays in the search for the man of your dreams.
But the BIGGEST mistake of all is…
… Not having the right support. Countless women have been led in the wrong direction, and ultimately caused the end of a relationship that did not have to be ended, by depending on advice from seemingly well-intentioned girlfriends, family members, co-workers, or male “friends” with ulterior motives.
A relationship is one of the most important investments you’ll ever make – emotionally, physically, financially, mentally, and spiritually. Receiving practical, grounded, and objective guidance will support you in many ways, including preventing you from missing your chance to find the man of your dreams and live a happy and fulfilled life with him. Not investing in a Relationship Coach to guide you through this journey could very well lead you down the path to loneliness, loss of valuable time, even financial ruin. Having the right support is crucial. It’s the only way to reach your goal without wasting years of your life in the trial and error phase.