This is actually quite common, as men who hang together usually share similar likes and habits. And let’s face it, who hasn’t looked at their boyfriend’s cute friends once or twice? Honestly, you should avoid this situation, but if you find yourself truly interested in two men who are friends, then you’ll need to figure out which man will not only make you the happiest, but the man you can develop the deepest, most fulfilling relationship with. A scenario such as this one needs to be handled with the care of a precise neurosurgeon. Yes, you’re going to have to dance on eggshells. One wrong step and someone’s going to get hurt.
If you’ve been dating these two men, and you find yourself developing feelings for both of them, you’ve got to make a decision and stick with it. There are only three options in a scenario such as this. There’s the safe option, the dangerous road, or the reckless choice.
The safest option you have is to leave both of them alone. Just back away. Don’t pursue anything. Find someone else to date. Let time be the determining factor in who’s really interested in you. This’ll guarantee that, at the least, you’ll preserve the fledgling friendship you have between the three of you.
Chances are, if you’ve known these men for a while, one or both of them may have developed feelings for you as well. But, here’s what will happen on the male side. Many women don’t realize this, but men talk, just like women do. We have no problem sharing our feelings about a woman to our closest buddies. So, if these guys are as close as you think, they would have been sharing their feelings about you for a while. What’ll happen, if they’re diplomatic, is that they’ll decide who should pursue you, if at all. So, if feelings have developed on both sides, just sit back and wait to see who comes to you. If no one approaches, then they’ve probably decided to let it go in order to preserve the relationships between the three of you, or just themselves.
Now, ask yourself, can you handle only dealing with one of the two in a romantic capacity?
There is a more dangerous road you can travel when dealing with a potential love triangle such as this. You can make a decision, and actively go after the one you want. It doesn’t seem all that dangerous, does it? Ideally, it shouldn’t be. But, remember what we said earlier. Men talk. So imagine the complications you could cause if you go after the wrong man. Or, what if both of them are really into you? You could cause serious damage to their relationship. Yeah, men aren’t supposed to obsess over stuff like this, but many of us do, just like women. Believe us, men can harbor jealousy just like women do.
Now, maybe you make the right choice. Maybe you choose the man who likes you and everything works out… Maybe. It’s a game of Russian roulette with an automatic weapon. Are you willing to play, considering the possible outcome? Whatever choice you make, live with your decision, good or bad. Don’t go back to the other man if things don’t work out with the first.
Let’s say you can’t make a decision between the two men, and you make the genius decision to deal with both of them. This has tragedy written all over it for all involved – especially you. Once again, we’ll remind you: close friends share information. It won’t take long for these guys to put two and two together. “Oh, you’re sleeping with Karen too, huh… Okay.” Hopefully, all they do is break it off with you. The worst case scenario, however, will crush you like a ton of bricks. What if these guys decide to get back at you? What if they decide to use you? Two wrongs don’t make a right, but people don’t take kindly to being deceived. You could very well find yourself as a glorified f-buddy, being used, then dropped by both men. Imagine the pain you’d go through – the pain you caused yourself because you decided to mess with friends.
Or, the friends could become enemies. This is less likely, however, because men are more likely to compare notes, have a good laugh, and become even closer friends. But your reputation will be moved into the ho category. We know you probably think this isn’t fair, but it is most certainly what will happen. Your reputation takes the worst hit, and in this small world, this can have long lasting effects. The last woman the man of your dreams wants is a woman with a reputation of having been around the block.
Think carefully before deciding to play a dating game this reckless.
If you do end up choosing one of the men and dating him, you’ll need to avoid some common mistakes when around the other friend you still have feelings for.
Don’t Flirt – Flaming the fire you feel for his friend will only cause that fire to burn that much stronger. You’ll get consumed with lust, which isn’t love, and may destroy the love you have with the man you are dating.
Avoid Personal Contact / Alone Time with Friend – There is no reason to go out of your way to spend time alone with the friend you don’t end up dating, nor is there any reason to initiate contact. This again will only create desire, lust, and most likely, the destruction of your current relationship and possibly their friendship.
Avoid Being Intoxicated Around the Friend – People are much less inhibited when tipsy or drunk. This is a bad time to be around someone you have strong feelings for, especially since you are currently dating his friend.
Don’t Become the Nag – If you have strong feelings for your man’s friend, you may end up dealing with those feelings in the complete opposite way of how you are really feeling for him. You may become a nag when the friend is around, talk about him negatively behind his back or act out in passive-aggressive ways to shield your heart.
You might end up realizing that the friend you’ve dated first isn’t the right one. That’s okay, just make sure you end the relationship with honesty. Whatever the case, live with your decision, and absolutely do not go back and date his friend. Even if the man you are breaking up with says it’s okay, don’t do it – it’s a trick! Find another man outside of their circle and save yourself from certain heartache.