It may seem counter intuitive when a man doesn’t want sex 24/7, but contrary to popular belief, man, that is, the male component of man, does not exist on sex alone. It is more common than not that a man may not want to have sex but a few times a year, maybe even only once a year. Seem impossible? It’s not, and there are a couple of reasons for it and no, the reasons are not all because he is no longer attracted to you.
Sex is a huge component in any relationship, but it is not the only one. Sure, usually when you first get together with someone you love, the sex is amazing and frequent and both parties usually feel like it will be that way forever. In other cases, the man may like you for who you are more than he loves the sex he has with you. (Exciting Sex vs. Non-Exciting Sex) Either way, situations change as you get to know each other better, fall deeper in love, and start living a life together.
As relationships mature, priorities change, depending on the wants and needs of the couple. Single men tend to think only about themselves and remain sex-crazed until they find themselves in a loving and fulfilling relationship. Then they mellow out a bit and start focusing on long-term life goals rather than the short-term goals such as finish work, get drunk, get laid, go to sleep. Once in a relationship, men tend to get a little comfortable and that is not such a bad thing.
It’s not uncommon for a man to pull back from sex after he’s already had you. After a man has had sex with you, he tends to act how women typically do before they have sex – he gets more realistic about his options with you, as opposed to a woman who then becomes the dreamer. The roles reverse. The most passionate point for a man is during the hunt. (When to have Sex with the Man You’re Dating) Your goal is to recreate those moments and feelings before you consummated your relationship. This is the key to life, love, and happiness with a man.
The problem is, women sometimes think the lack of interest in sex has something to do with their attractiveness, or that their man may be getting it somewhere else. While this does happen, it is not as common as people think. The answer is probably more along the lines of life has gotten busier and there is less energy for sex, or that the man is just comfortably happy and doesn’t have the kind of angst usually surrounding an unquenchable sexual appetite. (Don’t Let Commitment Make You Complacent; how about a relationship tune-up?)
But, let’s be realistic. Everyone makes time for what they really want to do. And if he’s not doing you, there is a reason, and that’s what we must identify and solve.
This is when you need relationship resuscitation because the air may have gone out of your relationship.
Here are a couple of less talked about possibilities for why you may only be having sex with your man once a year.
1. He may be on the down low, meaning he is really interested in men. If he’s on the down low, he was probably confused and unsure in the very beginning of your relationship, but cared enough about you to try to make something work. In this day and age, you really have to ask the pertinent questions, like, Have you ever been or are you interested in a man? Then watch his response and body language. If he starts twitching, sweating, avoiding eye contact, tapping his fingers or feet, or delays giving you a direct answer, you’ve probably hit a sensitive nerve. You’re not trying to come down on him, you just want the truth. Is Jerome going to be in this relationship with us? (More on this topic at a later date.)
2. If you forced a relationship on him when he wasn’t really ready for the big commitment but was afraid to tell you, you’ll eventually see the results of a man who wasn’t ready to be in a relationship.
3. He may have just lost interest in you. How did it get this way? A woman’s complacency is one culprit, by settling in and forgetting that a relationship requires constant maintenance. You have to take care of yourself and make sure your man is taken care of as well. Many women assume they know what to do when they enter into a relationship, but this is often not the case. Perhaps they are too proud to realize or admit that they do not know what to do.
Now, if he’ s just not that interested in you, perhaps the sex with you is subpar. Ouch, we know this hurts, but we have to get to the root of the problem. All sex is not good sex. And some, you prefer to leave it where you found it. So, if it’s possible that the sex is not good, you have to ask yourself if he ever mentioned anything that he didn’t like. Have you let yourself go physically? If you’re sexually inexperienced, how can you expect to know a lot about sex? Sex isn’t something we’re educated on, but both men and women assume, with little or no experience, that they’re good at it. We’re not saying you have to go out and sleep with a bunch of people to be good. You just need to ask more questions about what your mate likes. Is there something else he wants to try? What really turns him on? Often times men are afraid to tell you what they’re really thinking sexually. They’ll go to the strip club or look at porn to satisfy that need, but you won’t be a part of it. Our objective is for you to understand how the mind of a man works so that you can be a part of everything if this occurs.
Last but not least, a sit down is required. Sit down with your man (after a meal, when he’s on a full stomach) and talk to him honestly about your sex life. Brace yourself for the truth. This is the time to have your girlfriends on standby for support. Remember, physical attributes can’t be changed – we can help you add the spice and give you suggestions, but we obviously can’t change who you are.
If he’s not pleasing you, sit down with him on a full stomach, and in this case, his favorite dessert. Very very carefully, word what you’re going to say. In fact, write it out beforehand and run it by us first, as this is absolutely critical. One wrong move could permanently damage his libido, leading him to never wanting to have sex with you again. The right move will lead to an improved sex life. Once you damage his ego, you damage all connecting hormones. You might as well get out the vibrator and call it a day. Again, we obviously have no control over physical attributes. The only thing we can control is helping you understand how to improve what it is you’re working with.
At the end of the day, your goal is to have the naked truth and a list of things you can work on to improve your sex life. Some things you may not be able to fix. But being a boring sex partner is something that can easily be improved with a little creativity. Boredom and routine dull the sex life. Reinvent yourself constantly (check out our article, Why Men Love Strippers – And How You Can Use This Information to Improve Your Relationship for ideas) and create different scenarios. For example, you might be taking a peaceful car ride up the coast, when all of a sudden, as you’re looking out over the ocean, you reach over and start some extracurricular activities. He’ll be excited, trying to pull over and find a place to have some hot, mad, passionate sex without getting caught by the police. (“Well, officer, you see . . . “) The risk creates excitement and a memorable moment.
Keep in mind that the solution to any long-standing problem is never going to happen instantly. Often we invest in exterior things like clothes and shoes, but we forget that the inner core of your being is what keeps everything together and requires the most maintenance. Once in a relationship, you have to work from the inside out, not the outside in. Rebuilding your sex life is a step-by-step, day-by-day process. At this point, your knowledge and experience become strengths, not the way you look. If you have the knowledge, an exterior purchase will only complement, not replace, the success that knowledge will bring you in a relationship.