Why African American Men Date Outside of Their Race: A Mathematical Breakdown

How To Get the man of your dreams.com has decided to tackle one of the toughest and most controversial subjects of our century, with a solution and explanation through mathematical and economic deductive reasoning.

It is purely a mathematical equation. If you talk to 100 black women and get one decent one, and you talk with 100 white women and get twenty decent women, it just makes mathematical and economic sense to date the women with whom you would have spent the most amount of time and had the least financial burden. Many black women would yell out, that’s because white women are easy! We respectfully disagree, especially regarding Swedish white women in America; ask Tiger Woods about his ex-wife, Elin Nordegren. They are anything but easy and are as tough as black women, mainly because they have no idea they’re white. Being white is an American ideology and culture. So, let’s begin with the first equation; let’s do the simple math, 100 dates, 100 dinners, 100 checks, (plus interests and fees if using a credit card), 100 tips and no guarantees. You’ll be lucky to get a thank you, and at the end of it all may have one real prospect. What would you do? Who would you date? Many young American black women are broken, mentally, spiritually and financially. Do the math. If more black men dated outside of their race they would actually own more assets, houses, possibly stocks and be able to cover the basics like health and life insurance, (which would cut police brutality against the black man practically in half, because they would not be constantly spending their hard earn dollars on woman after woman trying to find a good one. Racism exists partly because most young black men do not have expensive life insurance policies if they have one at all. We all agree that when a black man finds a good American black woman there is nothing more beautiful, but look at the effort that it takes to find that one. It makes no economic sense.

Now, you take the same equation, flip it around and take 100 white women, the odds are that you will find 20 out of that 100. Many black women would disagree with this, because they are not dating themselves; they only see it from their perspective. Why is it that when you go to dinner with a black woman, 9 times out of 10 she will never leave a tip? Why does the white or Asian woman offer or leave a tip? They all have jobs. Why is it when you go to the club and buy a black woman a drink she will take the drink and walk off like you are nothing? Why is it that the white or Asian woman will buy you a drink? The drink the black woman walked off with was $10, which is a little more than the equivalent of an average man’s hourly wages, or 1/8 of his work day and 9 times out of 10 the black woman got in the club free. What would you do? Who would you date? Why is it that you have to be in a Mercedes, BMW or Bentley just for her to give you some attention? Why do you have to wear a Rolex, the best clothes, the best shoes in order for her to be nice to you? Have you ever looked across the table at a white woman and the man she is dating? He can be the bummest dresser, he may even be driving an old car, but she is sitting right there up under his arm. Black people did this in the 60’s and early 70’s, and we had more love and unity. But, today it is not good enough for the majority of American black women. Today you have to keep up with the Jones’s or you get no action.

A high desire for material possessions is not just limited to the black race, but it’s spirit dominates the American black woman. Every man, especially black men, know the key to getting into a black woman’s pants is through money and success. The basics are: nice car, nice clothes, and at bare minimum his own apartment. All of these are depreciating assets, but these are the prerequisites to obtaining the woman of his desire. The majority of black men focus on these goals, not because they want it for themselves, but because they have to have it in order to attract the American black woman. This is why less black men own homes, and look for the quickest route to the money. They desire to become rappers, athletes or drug dealers, all because they know money attracts a black woman, so they try to find the quickest way to obtain it so they can get the prize. The majority of black men in jail are there because they were trying to obtain the riches to please this very same woman and failed. They often took the path of least resistance to reach their goals, which ultimately equals less black men in college. In fact, every race knows money attracts an American black woman, including our large department stores such as Macy’s, Target, Marshall’s, Nordstrom’s, etc, and the list goes on. Indeed, the entire American economy knows that black women in America spend the most money, period. This also relates to the American black population in general, including President Obama’s past campaign spending, being the first black president.

He indeed broke the campaign spending record.  There are purposely more stores for women and the biggest of all consumers’ is the American black woman, followed by the American black man trying to please that woman.   

The biggest of all consumers are women. It doesn’t just apply to black women but all races. But the biggest consumer of women is American black women. Therefore they have the most desire for money and the least practical means to generate it. Their desire for money matched with the fact that most black people do not have access to money has sucked true love and common sense right out of the black race. The “Spirit of Materialism”, dominates the woman who is the biggest spender and consumer of goods and services.

We’re not talking about every single American black woman as there are still some good black women in America (Proverbs 31), but between cable TV, BET, MTV, CNN, clubs and videos, most have been programmed not to love and support their black men. Black women desire the love they see on popular television shows such as “Friends”, without realizing their actions are contrary to the results they desire. The truth is a lot of black men end up with women from other races because these women were nice to them and accepted them for who they are and their current status in life. My name doesn’t have to be Snoop Dog for the White, Asian, or Hispanic woman to say hello and be nice to me. I didn’t have to be 7 ft tall with an NBA contract or be a rapper named Lil Wayne. If you took Lil Wayne and made him a regular, normal person without the name, he would get no play. American black women would tell him to get his teeth fixed, hair cut and tattoos removed, and they certainly would not take him home to their mother. He would get no play. No offense to Lil Wayne, I’m proud of you bro. Keep doing what you are doing. Snoop dog is another. If his name was not Snoop Dog, with the success, fame and money, American black women would not give him the time of day if he asked, but would certainly get mad at the white woman for being nice and giving him the time. “It’s 5pm Snoopy Doggy.” Educated American black women from corporate America would certainly not give him any play. The only reason Snoop Dog gets play is, because Snoop Dog has money. It has nothing to do with whether he is a nice person or not. Sorry Snoop we love you dog, but we have to tell it like it is. His play would be minimum, if any, and it would be reduced, unfortunately, to the lower class hood rats of his former neighborhood, North Long Beach. It’s so easy to see that all the men with money, or who appear to have money attract all of the American black women. Then, black women in America wonder why there are no black men. It’s not that there are no black men, it’s just we are invisible to the American black women if we do not fit the height, roll and description that there mama told them to bring home, or the image they saw on TV. There are plenty of black men; it just so happens that the white, Asian, and Hispanic women find, recognize and appreciate us first.

If we are not driving a Mercedes, BMW, or Bentley, and are only driving a Honda Civic, we are invisible and will not be noticed by the American black woman. Don’t be mad when the White girl, Asian girl, and Hispanic girl says,” Hey if you don’t have a ride, I will drive you”.

In fact, the only time an American black woman wants to look at a black man who does not fit the description is when he is with another race or on the 6 or 11 o’clock news for committing a crime. “Hey girl did you see what so and so did?” Any other time that man would be invisible. When a black woman in American acts like she is disgusted with a black man being with a woman from another race, what is she really saying to herself? She’s saying he must have something material, which is why the white, Asian, or Hispanic woman is with him. Therefore, he should not be with her. He should be with a black woman. They could care less whether he is happy or not.

Little does that American black woman know he is the same black man that said “Hi” to her 100 times. But, a simple, “Hello, how are you doing today,” was not good enough for her. Little does that black woman know, he only said “Hi” to her counter parts 10 times and out of the 10 times 2 of those women said “Hi” to him. Most black women think a white woman’s only claim to fame is that they give and survive off of great blow jobs (Oral Sex 101: What You Need to Know). They fail to see their own errors, which are the simple facts that they were not nice or kind to their own brother.

member-deal-adx2If you look at TV and observe all the famous American black female movie stars, how often do you see this movie star dating a regular black man who works at Home Depot, or the Fire Department, for example. The biggest insult of all time is Oprah Winfrey and Stedman Graham, who has been dating an American black woman billionaire for over 20 years. All black women look up to and basically worship Oprah. Oprah insults black men and tears the very fabric of our family structure apart, perhaps unknowingly. She showed black women around the world on a daily basis that, although she raves about dream weddings and pays millions of dollars to showcase them, she never once showed other black women how important her black man was by marrying him (Should Marriage Vows Be Updated?). No contract. No marriage. He was always kept in the background (Understanding if You are Wifey Material?). She is a prime example of the current mind state of how black women in American view black men. If you do not make a man feel important or needed, why would he want to come home and be with you?

Oprah’s example is contrary to what is taught in the black church and the majority of most church houses in the American community at large. Oprah is excused, accepted and looked up to because she has money. Most do not realize that Oprah is perhaps still recovering from her many awful childhood experiences. Don’t get us wrong, we love, respect, and thank Oprah for all of her contributions. She is one dynamic woman. Even so, we must still be honest about how we feel as men looking from the outside. A house and a family must have structure (What is the Proper Role of a Man in a Relationship?). Someone has to be the boss and someone has to be the second in command. It’s no different than any American corporate structure. Marriage is a contract, marriage is a business. The serpent understood this very concept in Adam and Eve. So he approached the woman instead of the man who was the head, to deceive the man through his back door. Society has replaced that serpent in the garden, and has influenced American black women through jobs, promotions, and riches to not reach back and give a helping hand to their brother, protector, companion and lover, the black man. Women from other races desire money and riches as well, we all want nice things, but their desire is not as great as the majority of black women in America. They do not necessarily have to drive a Mercedes and own the best furs along with all the pressures of trying to keep up with the Joneses to feel good and validate themselves. Perhaps women from other races have found themselves lonely and looked over and saw that the black man was not being loved. It is better to have companionship even if it is with a dog than be in a cold world by yourself. How many times have you seen a white woman driving with a black man sitting on the passenger side? You can only conclude that this black man doesn’t have a car, but yet she is still driving him.

At the end of the day it is simple mathematics mixed with a little bit of kindness; do unto others as you would want them to do unto you. So many times have I witnessed black men treating the American black women, buying them drinks, flying them around the country; and I can count on one hand on average how many times I have seen an American black woman return the favor. The ones that return the favor easily position themselves to become the wives. When more black men understand what it is to make an investment, they will clearly be able to see that the time spent chasing the American black woman was not worth the effort. At the end of the day, when black men are too old to run and chase black women, they will realize they have been bamboozled. Once they realize this, they will no longer just date black women because it does not make economic or mathematical sense. They will look back on all the time, money and effort spent and realize they could have purchased a home, stocks, health and life insurance, and paid for a child’s college education. We are the biggest consumers, and to be a consumer means we are not investing in assets that appreciate. We only invest in assets that depreciate. Cars, clothes, cell phone bills, apartments, and eating out are all things that hold no future value. This is why intelligent black men, if they did the math will date outside their race.

All black men dating outside of their race are not necessarily smart and intelligent, but what they know on the most basic level is that this person likes them for who they are, whether they are rich or poor. This is beyond what most American black women are willing to do. If you do not have the “Bling-Bling”, the majority of American black women are not trying to speak to you. The only way attractive American black women will speak to you, if you don’t have any money, is if you are over 6 ft tall, look like a model, good hair, muscle bound, and have a certain skin complexion. If you are average in height and looks, these attributes are not good enough by themselves.

The men that fit this description sexually runs through American black woman like it isn’t funny. The proverbial faucet is always running, and they run through the majority of American black women like it’s nothing but a game. Usually the men that are having sex with them are friends of the guy that is totally invisible. We just sit back, observe and say, “Wow”. Being a nice human being simply isn’t good enough. What makes it so bad is that the corruption with the American black woman runs deep. It runs all the way back to the grandmother and sometimes even the great grandmother and beyond.

The end result is that all black women suffer for the actions of the now quadrupling amounts of ignorance (How Women Misuse Their Power to Attract the Man of their Dreams). If black women want black men to stay focused on the prize, the black woman has to by force if necessary, smack, pull, prod and teach every single ignorant black woman, that is running like a fool, how to act in a respectful manner, just like we took responsibility for our community 40 and 50 years ago. If you saw someone that was doing something dumb, it didn’t matter, you took responsibility. Little does one know that the actions of a few have now become the culture of many American black women, has now multiplied exponentially, and is affecting the entire population of American black women. Birds of a feather flock together syndrome.

This is why other races of women are beating out American black women; it’s because there is too much ignorance, and it’s hurting all black women chances to find and keep the black man of their dreams. Do the math, the numbers will never lie. If black women did the math, I think they would be in agreement. I know it’s a hard core truth and many may not like it or agree, but sometimes you have to break it down to its very foundation just to rebuild it correctly. At the end of the day, black men would, of course, love to be with an American black woman who is down with him like our First lady, Michelle Obama, is for President Obama. But, please remember it was our President that used to drive a bucket, who one day became the President of the United States of America and Leader of the Free world. (Perfect Love? President Barack vs First Lady Michelle Obama)

continue to Part II… Why Black Men Date Out of Their Race a Mathematical Equation: Part II: The Solution

Thank You For Reading

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  1. There's no way in hell you're a relationship coach says:

    Your article was based upon your own opinion without any facts or scientific reasoning to back any of your claims. “Racism exists partly because most young black men do not have expensive life insurance policies if they have one at all.” What planet are you from?

    Earlier in the article you seemed like a bitter white man, but later your references of “we” show you are an antiquated delusional black man. Please get your facts together before posting a slanderous article like this again. I hope you only call yourself a relationship coach on the internet because no one needs your advice, but you are certainly in need of a therapist. It’s 2012, no one cares what race someone they aren’t involved with is dating.

    • How To Get The Man Of Your Dreams says:

      @youdumass@uwish.com, hmmmm it seems like this article hit a sore spot. The truth often hurts. We understand your frustration. If none of what has been said in the article applies to you, than why are you so upset? Thank you for your response.

    • Hopefully, the author of this article won’t end up where all of the others have in bankruptcy, jail or on a limb wishing they had the luxury of a predominately black female jury like O. J. Simpson.

      • Jared Kennedy says:

        @Debbie, the author spoke the truth and where he ends up is all apart of God’ perfect and divine plan. Thank you

    • this article is full of shi@ you are full of shi@ you don’t know what black woman have to go through what they put up with what they feel when they are broken and it is not enough to be rejected by your own race some woman are very kind hearted like me I do and do and do for people and get shi@ in return black men and other races look at us as if were foreign we have struggles who gives a F??? because of your race a black man is much more likelier to have more than if he was with a black woman? you sound foolish and you shouldn’t have written this article every woman is beautiful and black men fail to realize that I could give a f??? about a Bentley or bmw I want to know that I’m going to be with a good man who doesn’t hit me or abuse me that should have been the main idea or thesis statement of this stupid article

      • Jared Kennedy says:

        Ms. Ashley, thank you for your heated response. Please note that unfortunately we do not allow curse words on the site so your response has been slightly edited. I am sorry to hear about the pain you have or you maybe currently experiencing. We know the truth hurts, so if you look at the article objectively and adjust your language, you will be able to perhaps see the wisdom and the truth not only within the article but within yourself and attract a better man. However what we all fail to realize is that curse words bring curses upon ourselves… Ephesians 4:29-32

  2. Karen Johnson says:

    This article is nothing, but pure ignorance. I’m an African American women and as long as a black man has ambition, I’ll be in his corner.

    • How To Get The Man Of Your Dreams says:

      @Karen, of course you would dismiss the opinion of the author who is black and expressing his feelings as well as the feelings of many other black men as pure ignorance. We suggest you go to any local black barber shop and take and read the article to them and listen to what they have to say. Please let us know what you discover. Thank you for your response.

  3. Katie Lynn Thompson says:

    I am really insulted as a white women. I can’t contact the NAACP fast enough. I’m no scapegoat. I’m not free ride or dinner. I can speak up and I want the same love those amazing black women have with strong values, character and self love for. No woman wants a man of any of the hurtful shallow reasons you’ve listed. Want economic power. Go get it yourself. want an investment? sit on a psychologist chair and find out why you feel the way you do about the women in your race who are not anything like this article makes them sound. You better be lucky I am not an African-American woman. I would call NAACP on you

    • How To Get The Man Of Your Dreams says:

      @Katie Lynn Thompson, The NAACP who? Believe me the NAACP would understand the article better than you may think. Black women who are successful and single is a real issue in the black community. So please do call them, get them involved, have them read the article and give you their honest as oppose to political correct opinion. Let’s us know what you find. Thank you for you response.

  4. Chuck SEE says:

    This was a great article. It wasn’t what I expected—-which is good. I’m tired of all the pretty lies that our black women tell themselves. They rarely want to hear the truth because it requires them to take too long a look in the mirror.

    All political correctness aside, the only way Black women will ever get good black men to commit to them when these ladies get their crap together and STOP running from the truth. Black women need to realize that black men are not SOLELY to blame for black women’s relationship problems. Black women play a big part in creating their own misery too.

    Here’s a good show that your article reminds me of. It’s called “The top twelve reasons why so many good black men are still single”. It was on an episode of a TWO-TIME award winning website called “The Victory Unlimited Show”.


    Your article and that show should be required reading and listening for anyone who is SERIOUS about seeing black people get their act together and start having better relationships.

    Keep up the good work.

  5. I’ve dated blue collar black men and blue collar white men for roughly 20 years. Here’s the difference between the two.
    A blue collar black man won’t spend his money on a black woman after the first or second date. Especially if she has a good job. He figures you can afford it even if he knows you are still paying off college loans. A blue collar black man always has an excuse for why he has to leave the table during a date and then you spot him talking to other women –often non-Black women. A blue collar black man will complain all night long about his troubles on his job (usually with a white manager or a black female manager), but doesn’t want to hear about how your career is going only how much money you make. A blue collar black man will ask you for a ride or worst, to borrow your car.
    A blue collar white man will not allow you to pay for a date. He is too proud for that. You might be limited to the movies, popcorn, and Cokes if that’s what he can afford, but he’s not going to stare blankly at the check when it arrives until you pull out your Visa. A blue collar white man is not going to leave your side unexpectedly during a date. Especially if you are a black woman dating a white man. He will be very territorial and proud. A blue collar white man understands a professional black woman has a climb ahead of her. He’ll ask for and offer career advice –even if he knows nothing about your career field because he understands people who are in positions of power even if he is working class himself. My last white boyfriend noticed that my boss was a Washington Capitals fan. He bought us tickets to a game and taught me the basics. At the next company retreat, I mentioned a particular play and caught my boss’ attention. It was easy to transition from there into a pitch for my marketing idea. I got a meeting and the account. A blue collar white guy has his own car –even if it is a hoopty. And he knows how to fix it himself.

    • How To Get The Man Of Your Dreams says:

      Thank you for your response, but the article subject: Is why black men date out of their race? If you desire a blue collar white man than we are happy for you and wish you the best of success.

    • Thank you for sharing your experience Ms LaQuita. I learned more from your story than from this poor article.
      Mr “Hot To Get The Man Of Your Dreams” if you write these kind of articles you should be able to accept the negative criticism too. Your replies to the people that took their time to read and comment are rude and childish. How old are you? 15?

      • Jared Kennedy says:

        @Adda, the whole point is that you have learned, whether it was a direct or indirect result of the article. Thoughts provoke dialogue which then provoke change. Thank you for your comment.

  6. Where is the mathematical breakdown? I missed it. The author offered statistics that were based on assumption, not fact. Just because someone throws out an arbitrary statement like “1/5 of all humans are silly” and includes a number doesn’t make it FACT.That is not math. What statistical formula did you use to prove your conclusion?
    People, including psychologist Satoshia Kanazawa, get in trouble when they try to use math and science to explain a sociological concept. Let’s say you are right and that all Black women are gold diggers because “it’s in their DNA”. Let’s say you actually bothered to do the research to half-heartedly prove your statement ( the kind of research you neglected to do this for this article). How then would you explain the fact that most Black men who date out of their race are men of means? They are prosperous men from the worlds of finance, entertainment and sports. So much so, the non-Black woman is seen as a trophy. Black men without resources to offer are rarely married to women out of their race. Wouldn’t this suggest that Black women are MORE willing to compromise, and that the non-Black women who seek successful Black men are less than altruistic. But still— we are talking in culture assumptions and I HATE to do that.
    My issue with your article is your attempt to explain a social phenomena without considering ANY social factors. For instance, what we perceive as beautiful is partially a social construct . Beauty ideals are a function of cultural hegemony. Conforming to a certain standard of beauty is an exercise in power or lack there of. It is the reason why a woman who decides to undergo the “big chop” and swap her perm for an afro is seen as making a “political” statement. We live in a society dominated by a eurocentric beauty ideal and what we find in all societies with a legacy of European hegemony is that greater social value is placed on fairer skin and western features. So this is one explanation as to why a man of means, who now has more options when it comes to mate selection, might opt for the more ‘prized’ woman. The woman who isn’t Black.
    You’ve also failed to consider the legacy of American slavery on the Black family unit and Black masculinity. Black men were routinely emasculated and stripped of their ability to protect, defend and honor the mother of their children. This was the origin of the strong Black matriarch that has evolved into the “strong Black woman” archetype of today that repels some Black men.
    What about the nature of poverty or the over abundance of Black men who pass through the criminal justice system. The systemic issues further weaken the Black family unit.
    The truth is, if you are a black man living in an under served community, the women you encounter will be similar to you socioeconomically. If you are a Black man in a professional class, the white women and Black women you date will be equally qualified. In fact, more Black women have college degrees than Black men.
    I’m an ivy league graduate and I grew up in a suburb. I don’t know any women who can’t afford to purchase a man a drink…. That statement was simply ludicrous. I’m not looking for a hand out. I’m not gold digging. The successful BLACK men I date are simply meeting me at my own station in life.

    • How To Get The Man Of Your Dreams says:

      Thank you for your response, and if this article does not apply to you do not be offended by the opinions of many black men in this country. One point that you might not have realized about men in general is they would rather remain silent for the most part than tell a woman what he is truly thinking. We offer those unspoken thoughts. In regards to Black men of means dating out of their race, you should read a book entitled ” The Millionaire Mind” by Thomas J. Stanley, PH.D, chapter 6, “Choice of a Spouse”. It is being recommended because it will help give you insight into how and why “men of means” black, white, red, yellow or brown choose their spouses and you will find that the article is in direct line with the author’s stated reasons based on researching “men of means” as we have also done with “Black men”. Men may love to look at the woman who spent her last dime on some shoes and a pair of earrings, but “men of means” simply do not desire to have a committed relationship with a woman who will only end up being a financial liability as oppose to an asset to his future. It’s just plain common sense. Thank you again for your response.

    • I must say, as a man of color, this article is bias and without scientific validation. As for my personal experiences, I have dated Asians, Whites, Latinas, and Black females. Each culture and race have their benefits. But when I lay my head on my pillow next to my beautiful Black Queen, I feel a sense of cultural comradery that can only exist between people who have struggled for significance and purpose in a world bent on finding ways devalue the significance of that struggle.

      I have nothing against any race or nationality and could easily find myself involved with just about any. However, as a Black male, I intimately understand our race and culture to be at great risk — most of that by the hands of historical prejudice, much of that at the hands of self-bigotry in the present age. I see this article as more of the same. We can do better.

      I am married to a beautiful African-American Black female. And even with all of her flaws, she is as much a queen as any other female, and more a goddess than any other. I encourage real men of color to embrace and protect women of color, their children, their community, their history and their future. After, if we do not, who will?

  7. Chicago Instructor says:

    As a teacher, I’d love to know where the math is in this “mathematical breakdown”? Just because you threw in a few numbers and words like “half”, “equation”, and “quadrupling” doesn’t make it math. Please, get yourself together.
    Also, the grammatical errors in this article and your replies to people’s comments are laughable. I wish I had an online red pen to edit this mess for you. Perhaps your lack of education is why so many women (black or otherwise) ignore you. Maybe that’s why you’re so bitter.
    Good luck, sir. I do believe a therapist would be very beneficial for you.

  8. Chicago Instructor says:

    As a teacher, I’d love to know where the math is in this “mathematical breakdown”. Just because you threw in a few numbers and words like “half”, “equation”, and “quadrupling” doesn’t make it math. Please, get yourself together.
    Also, the grammatical errors in this article and your replies to people’s comments are laughable. I wish I had an online red pen to edit this mess for you. Perhaps your lack of education is why so many women (black or otherwise) ignore you. Maybe that’s why you’re so bitter.
    Good luck, sir. A therapist might be beneficial to you.

    • How To Get The Man Of Your Dreams says:

      We apologize for any grammatical errors in our responses or any of our articles. We are not perfect but certainly try to give you the best we can at all times. It is a shame that with your high level of intelligence you missed the whole point of the article. Whether you can add or subtract, the number of single black educated women who cannot find a good compatible mate is a real fact, and those numbers you can get right in your own neighborhood. Look around, how many are married? How many are single, raising kids by themselves and wishing they could find a good man? Once again, many men choose not to speak out because women do not want to hear anything contrary to you are great and wonderful, which by your response is obviously not always true. The whole point of the article was to open an honest dialog. Did you learn anything at all? Or would you rather be lied to? Your truth is simply that, and is often very different from how men think and feel.

      Thank you

  9. Well, good riddance. As a black woman who doesn’t date black men, I say more power to you! One less black man cat-calling at me and trying to get my number, then getting mad when I refuse. Many black women are catching on to the fact that men of other races have more to offer, anyway, so go for the women of other races! Let them be the ones to end up pregnant, single, and HIV positive as the result of being with a black man.

    • How To Get The Man Of Your Dreams says:

      It is apparent that you have not done much research. It appears, HIV was created by the government as a biological weapon paid for with your tax dollars and given to the people through vaccinations much like Syphilis was given to the Tuskegee airman(See Department of Defense Appropriations for 1970, United States Senate Library, 91st Congress, First Session, H.B. 15090). So let’s get a clear understanding before the mud slinging starts. If you are happy dating and loving whoever that might be, than we are happy for you as well. True love sees no color. But for all the black women who may just be wandering what is going on behind the minds of many black men, we have offered the opinions of many in this article. It sounds like you are a little upset, but at least now if you have found yourself guilty of some of the characteristics listed, you can check yourself.

      Thank you.

  10. A Non Black Woman says:

    You have a lot of good articles here. But please! Black American men do not appreciate their own women. Many more black American woman are educated, classy, and hardworking than the men. Their women only want someone equal to them. The American black men usually ignore their own black women to run after ANY nonblack woman and have a reputation for cheating, abandoning, and beating women of any race they are with. Please if you are one the rare classy, decent guy with a normal, steady job, please look for a black woman equal to you. Women of that caliber among black Americans outnumber the men. As a nonblack woman, I would be mad too if I saw the men of my race always ignoring the women of my group and taking them for granted.

    • How To Get The Man Of Your Dreams says:

      Thank you for your response. We do understand that disputes, abuse, physical or verbal happens within all races and gender and is not just limited to one man, one woman or one race. In fact slavery was the greatest of the most recent abuses in the history of this world, followed by the holocaust where both black women, men, Jews male and female were both harassed even to the point of death. Many men do want to speak out because of the back lash often received from women when they do speak their truth. We promise you that no matter what your opinion maybe it will be respected even if we disagree. But it is our job and commitment to you to always give you the honest truth. Now what you do with that truth is up to you.

      • Your idea of truth is biased beyond belief. If you want credibility for this rubbish you are putting forward, then why don’t you try to write corresponding articles for all the other races. To put forward this type of article about one specific race is deplorable, and no amount of mathematics can justify it.

        • How To Get The Man Of Your Dreams says:

          @Mary, we are sorry you are so upset with the opinions of many African American men we have interviewed. We understand that the truth often hurts, but if the truth is “rubbish” as you suggested earlier than why are you so upset when it is an obvious problem in the African American community. I do not have the right to tell you what your truth is, as you do not have the right to impose your truth upon how many African American men feel internally, the reason why many rarely outwardly voice their opinion. When the few that do voice their opinion speak, instead of LISTENING to see what you can learn, you attack. Very sad, and thus the cycle of disconnect continues. Thank you for your response.

          • So what you are saying is that you have spoken to EVERY Afro American male to form your opinion? How ludicious and stupid. How’s bout you take some accountability and accept your responsibility for offering an opinion that is seriously flawed. The fact is you have spoken / interviewed a small section of the community and you have used the opinions of a few to create a ‘truth’ about an entire race of people (you forget that Afro Americans are Negros and Negros form One of the largest races on this planet). There’s no truth in what in you’ve done. All you’ve done promote a racist biased opionion, that seeks to vilfy a section of the community. It is sad that you can’t see what you’ve done…. It is sad that you can’t accept your opinion is so damaging… It is sad that you think demeaning a race of people is ‘trurh

          • How To Get The Man Of Your Dreams says:

            Thank you again for your response. We agree if you can’t stand the heat…get out of the kitchen.

          • So what you are saying is that you have spoken to EVERY Afro American male in the country to form your opinion? How ludicrous and stupid. How’s bout you take some accountability and accept your responsibility for offering an opinion that is seriously flawed. The fact is you have spoken / interviewed a small section of the community and you have used the opinions of a few to create a ‘truth’ about an entire race of people (you forget that Afro Americans are Negros and Negros form One of the largest races on this planet). There’s no truth in what in you’ve done. All you’ve done promote a racist biased opinion, that seeks to vilfy a section of the community. It is sad that you can’t see what you done…. It is sad that you can’t accept your opinion is so damaging… It is sad that you think demeaning a race of people is ‘truth’… And it is sad that your attitude is so condescending and patronizing….. And it is sad that you actually think you’re right……

          • How To Get The Man Of Your Dreams says:

            okay…. I see it’s time for a little history lesson, African Americans are not Negros but the indigenous people of American, who were here before Columbus. The Indians were really what we call black people today. Most African American people did not originate from Africa but were already present here in America. But for a lack of knowledge and mis-education of the masses we are using terms that our most familiar but not necessarily correct. As far as a interviewing a few African American men, it appears do you do not understand how surveys work and are in denial. The surveys that the media use are not ones in which they have spoken to every single person, just as every single person does not vote for the President but yet one is elected.Take the article to any local African American barbershop of your choosing, read it to them and see what the results are. Allow them to be honest without your bullying. It’s is true that African American women are some of the most beautiful women in the world, but real beauty comes from within. Although we respect your opinion, your abrasiveness is a relationship red flag.

  11. I don’t care how mathematical you get, but the way in which you have presented this topic is absolutely disgusting and racist to the extreme. Seriously, who cares about who dates who? Unless of course you have the mentality of Adolf Hitler???? The mere fact that a black man dates a white woman, can only mean that the white woman is also dating outside her race, so why don’t you do a story about whites , Indians, Asians who date outside their race???? Who ever’s written this should be absolutely ashamed.

    • How To Get The Man Of Your Dreams says:

      Entertaining your hysteria; the topic on hand is many women in the African American community are either single without a man, or single and cannot keep a man, or single with children and cannot find a man, or single and go from man to man, or single with children going from man to man, etc. From our understanding this is not the desired goal in mind. So after interviewing numerous African American men, we have attempted to give some insight into the minds of why they choose the other, instead of the African American woman.

      • Thank you for entertaining my hysteria, could you possibly be any more rude? Again I make the point of saying, you have not interviewed EVERY Afro American male, and your conclusions are therefore greatly biased. Using mathematical calculations to support your theory is also a waste of time, because as we all know, statistics can be used in various different ways to show whatever outcomes you want. You think you’ve provided a truthful report, but you obviously gave no thought as to responses you would get. Be an adult and accept what gets ‘dished out’. Stop being rude, condescending and patronizing. If You’re going to write articles that obviously evokes a great deal of negative emotions, be man enough (or woman) to deal with the backlash. Racism is still rife, and your article so poorly outlaid as ‘truth’ adds fuel to the fire….. That is not something you should be proud of…

        • How To Get The Man Of Your Dreams says:

          Your welcome, the whole point of the article is only one thing.. did you learn something? Anything about how some black men who have chosen to date out of their race feel? This is the whole point. It is not an argument. You absolutely cannot tell me or anyone how he or she feels. You may not agree but the fact that you would call someone Else’s feelings trash, rubbish, or the like says volumes about the type of woman you are and the type of man you will attract and repel. Most men want peace, not a woman who is more masculine than feminine, more anger than sweetness. A women who is sweet and kind knows how to disagree without being disagreeable. A topic we will address just for you. Thank you again.

          • Wow, not only are you patronising, rude and condescending, but you are terribly arrogant. I know my history, you should look into yours. You still haven’t addressed the fact that your assumptions are based on a minority selection. You still haven’t addressed the fact that much of what you mentioned in terms of black women being single is socio-economic and not actually related to what black men are looking for etc. And your recent comments about what men are looking for in a woman is so weak….. Anyway, since you cannot see anyone else’s point but your own, this will be my last post. Good luck to you …. And please don’t bother responding….. Let’s agree to let this rest…

  12. Who is “we”?

    And secondly–didn’t your half truths get pointed out to you the first time you posted this misinformed article?

    Stop it! You are making Black men like my husband, uncles, brother and father very upset.

  13. Jay Pride says:

    This article is on point! I’m a black male 32. I have dated mostly black women but have also dated white, Latin and Asian. I have had the same conversation with countless African American women of various socioeconomic backgrounds and they all do the same thing. Deny all points that suggest a look in the mirror. Black men date other nationalities because black women are a hard goal to attain. Simple as that! The funny thing is……we are telling you what the problem is and you (black women) are telling us..that we are wrong. Hilarious! I date other nationalities because black women are not friendly or receptive to advances and yall turn around and say..”not all black women” or say “maybe its you”. Well since y’all have all the answers already then why are most black women single? Seems like your way isn’t working.

    Please disregard the black women who are mad that this article has hit them smack dead in the head with a reality check.

  14. An african-born, bred and raised says:

    I have no Idea what your black ex did to you, I just hope you manage to get some good psychological counselling and get over your problems!!!! mxiiem kwasia

    • How To Get The Man Of Your Dreams says:

      Ms. Diva Chic, it is unfortunate that sometimes the truth hurts and we certainly understand and sympathize with your frustration. After you calm yourself down, maybe you should re read the article with an open mind, and you just might have a better understanding of why a number of black men have decided to look elsewhere. It’s not about what my ex might have or have not done, it’s how many black men feel but just will not tell you for the obvious response above. Thank you

      • aprillove says:

        I’m a little confused when you talk about black women wanting to be with men that are independent, successful, and ambitious. Why can’t we as black women desire a companion that is successful without being labeled as a gold digger or materialistic?

        Most women of all races desire a mate that is successful. We can’t help it it’s in our DNA because men traditionally have been providers for their family. And how are you going to be a good provider if you are making $10 an hour in today’s world as high as rent, gas and everything else is.

        Us black women are already taking care of ourselves and children without black men’s help but their is nothing wrong with a black man bringing something to the table that is equal or above equal to his mate.

        There is nothing wrong with a black women not stooping to low levels just to have a man that is going to have issues anyway because he makes way less than his mate. It’s in men’s DNA to want to provide and take care of his family. so that’s why a lot of black men are haters because it is not normal for a women to take care of a man financially.

        Why should an educated, beautiful, sophisticated black women that makes 6 figures settle for a man that works at home depot??? IF YOU DO THE MATH IT MAKES NO SENSE LOL

        Black men have lost in the game of life for many reasons, some are by design. But even with a system that is designed for blacks to fail, still the opportunities are endless. Black men are choosing to be broke and not want nothing out of life no more that hanging out and trying to get all the p***y they can.

        It is not black women’s fault that black men choose to do absolutely nothing with their life. Instead of going to trade school or college and becoming an entrepreneur and/or becoming a leader in the community you guys choose to do nothing but complain and put black women down. Shame on black men!!

        It’s easier than ever now to become successful and create your own streams of income. Shame on black men.

        If you are a black man and you are not a high achiever that’s fine but don’t get mad at a black women that is a high achiever because she does not want you because you are a low achiever.

        The reason why only black women get attacked for wanting a successful mate is because in black men’s eyes the black woman has no value.

        To black men non black women have have value and status so black men will never get mad at them for wanting a successful mate.

        Also the truth is most black men are broke with a job or dead broke without a job. It seems to me that I see plenty of black women buying black men drinks, paying the bill and bills, driving a black man around (he’s in the passengers seat LOL), and more. I see black women with black men on the lowest level everyday. I have no idea what you are talking about please stop the lies.

        Black men are broke and are not doing anything about it. And black women are right with them and some black women taking care of their broke, loser black man and his children from another woman.

        Black men continue to make ridiculous excuses to why they date outside of their race and the truth is whether black men realize it or not you don’t like black women because black men think non-black women are more beautiful.

        I know you won’t admit it but it’s the truth. If you admit it that means in a way you are also talking about yourself who also has the same features, bone structure and color of skin. That would also include your mother, sister etc. I KNOW BLACK MEN DON’T WANT TO ADMIT THIS BUT IT’S THE TRUTH.

        Black women could be the most perfect woman on earth and black men still won’t love us because they don’t love or like themselves.

        So instead of admitting the truth that when you look in the mirror you don’t like what you see black men bash black women instead.

        Black men are out of order and out of control. Black men really need psychiatric help and prayer. And if I was a non black woman I would not want to be with any black man that didn’t like and bash his own race of women. SHAMEFUL

        • Jared Kennedy says:

          hi April, interesting response and view points. It’s one thing to look for love and someone to build a family with as oppose to a great business partner. So when you say “why should an educated, beautiful, sophisticated black women that makes 6 figures settle… ” What exactly does six figures have to do what the type of human being she is? God says in 1 John 2:15… “Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him (her in this case)”. April fall in love with what is real not false. It is true that many black men are down and out, help them up and encourage them, you have the power to help him better a man. The whole point of the article is to share a view point experienced and shared by many black men and unfortunately many black women have bought into Satan’s deceptive ideology, and our possessed with the spirit of consumerism as opposed to truly loving their brother, as was said in the article many black men are invisible because they are not flossing what they have when most who floss have nothing but the common sense to know what the black woman is most attracted to. If you read the article from the view point of what you can learn as oppose to how you can defend yourself, you may just get the author’s points which are shared by many. In closing, the article clearly says there is nothing more beautiful on the planet than a black woman, however physical beauty is only a fleeting falsity if the beauty is only skin deep. Thank you for responding.

        • The discussions on why Black women are shunned by Black men, AND why a successful Black Woman would “settle” for a non-achieving Black male, thus far have been laden with misnomers and assumptions on both sides.

          I am a marginally successful Black male. When I met my wife 15 years ago, I had two homes, one paid in full, Jaguar, Audi, and money in the bank. She married me because I would be a good and faithful provider and friend. But in secret she wanted more. She wanted the companionship of men who were less successful and definitely less loving. (There is often, but not always, another side to our natures.)

          Long story short, we recently separated and I have decided to get back to fulfilling my purpose in life rather than trying to please someone else who does not appreciate the sacrifices made. With my businesses now in order, I will be a multi-millionaire and fully enjoy the advantages of being a single Christian Black male.

          Before my rebirth I was working as a computer tech making far less than in my banking days. But I still brought it home, paid the bills, and did my best to secure a good life for my family. Now that things are on the rise, I will be forever mindful that having success and money will never assure peace of mind, joy of spirit, contentment or true love. As I mature I realize that the goal is not the amount of money but the amount of mutual respect and commitment that two individuals share. These are the true treasures of life.

          I am telling you what I have lived, not what I have read.

          • Jared Kennedy says:

            Thank you for your response. It sounds like it was a very interesting journey for you. Can you please elaborate more on how your comment ties directly into to our article? We can assume however we would prefer for you to bring clarity. Give us the juicy dirty details so that we can all learn.

  15. It’s really sad to me that the first response of many Black women when they read critical comments about them, is to attack the messenger. Whether the comments are posted on blogs ,dating sits, YouTube you name it, Black men by the hundreds and more, are posting simular dating disappointments, with Black women. Are they all just a bunch of bitter, malcontent, weak, culturally lost, self hating, punks. If this is what you, “STRONG”, Black women want to believe to give yourselves emotional succor, then by all means, continue with your self dillusion.  Some of my closest friends and I have spent years trying to find good Black women, with mixed to poor results. I’ve known these guys for more than 15 years and none of them have self hatred issues.The reality is, were tired of the effort necessary to find feminine, friendly ,non materialistic Black women who don’t have multiple children or who are not overweight
    In my 15 years that I’ve been going to my gym location, I’ve maybe seen 20 Black women working out there. Some how, it’s become acceptable to be 40 plus pounds overweight, and think men are shallow because they don’t or wont find this physique to be attractive in a mate. Having children with other men was your choice, if the guy wasn’t any good, you chose him. It’s one thing to have sex and another thing not use any birth control methods. Who would want to raise some no account dudes seed. What is the financial, time, freedom upside of getting into relationships with single mothers.
    Yeah, I know I’m going to be attacked also but I really don’t give a damn anymore. The bad behavior and lack of accountability of many, (MANY) Black women has gone on for far too long.

  16. Single, Proud and Educated Black Woman says:

    I smile at your article and the back and forth banter with the women who responded to your article. You seemed a bit hostile, condescending, very defensive and angry at times in answering women who didn’t agree with your opinion. If you are trying to educate, no need to dismiss others the way you do, even if they are upset with what you wrote. This is your forum so there is no need to be or do any of the above when responding. You offer your opinion, they offered theirs; can’t we all just get along (smiling). There is an old saying I live by “you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
    Following is my ‘opinion’ based on what I see and live every day. Black, white or other races women and men of are no different from each other. Exposure to other cultures; where and how you are raised, I believe, determines your character and temperament, most of the time, when you become an adult. I work with all men (I’m a facilities Supervisor) and I sit and listen to Asian, white and black men complain about their Asian, white and black women and all complaints are similar.
    While going to college, I cleaned houses and apartments in the 5 boroughs and on the Island for mainly white families (a few blacks), and the white women complaints about their men were very similar to a black woman’s problem with her man.
    My conclusion is, for all of us to take a step back, look at the bigger picture and work on ourselves to become a better, kinder, gentler, more understanding and receptive person every day; and stop looking at the next person or race to define any aspect of our lives.

  17. I thought there would be more math/science involved in your argument. Just say “in my opinion…” and try not to sound like you actually did some research.

  18. We can’t get the American black woman to see the Error of her ways; to many women in the world; a black man can have anyone of them.

    So people you don’t need; did black women need the black man’s approval when they abandoned the black power movement?

  19. Why are so many of today’s Black women in denial and fight over your article? If you notice on today’s reality shows, It’s all about the bling to BW. Loud, cat fights, drama and at the same time dress half naked like hoochies on TV. The other shows like Scandal, How to get away with Murder and The Haves and have Nots, have the leading Black Women being a slut or side piece for so called successful white men. They through around the diva word like it’s something to be proud of. Those who are in Corporate America will travel to anywhere and pride themselves of being on top. They do not speak to Black Men on the job w/o thinking he is trying to hit on them but will say hi to white guys all day. They think that a man is only attractive if he’s 6’2 and above but she is at least 5’3. Really? Other races don’t make height a major issue. Some will complain about the smallest thing on a date and make it a big reason not to have another one. The lower level chicks will date thugs and bums who work in the street, give them babies while they save money for weaves and Red Lobster lunch/dinner. By the time they are old and ready for a nice guy that legally works, they have too many kids, out of shape and lazy. So the white man is like the Serpent who tricked Eve is doing the same things he’s always one. Divide and conquer. Uplift the Black Woman in the work field and keep the Black Man out of it. No other culture where the Man is not honored as the head of the family or not respected as the lead. This is by design, He (Serpent, WM) wants to be the one to have the image over her God given mate and make him look less than worthy. She is too blind with “success” that she can’t see the evil work of the Slave master that wants to keep her depending and honoring him while she flips off on her true Mate. With all types of articles written on our condition and sour relationships with e/o, How can we not see we have a real community crisis. Yes other women embrace us for who and what we are if we are trying to do better. Take a page from First Lady Michelle Obama, Let her be a good example, not retched reality TV sell-outs. We have young daughters that need better role models to honor and look up to and just not read about them in history books. Be-careful who writes them. Come back home Sista’s, we do want you first. But how Grand mom raised you to be not the others man ideal world.

  20. luckyvashti says:

    I have noticed that there has been a great dealing of bashing of Black women by some Black men. Jared the horrible things you are saying about Black women are the same things other races are saying about Black men. What you don’t realize is a nation can rise no higher than its women. I want to know why African-American women put up with this type of bull crap. They are always quiet about this nonsense. Speak up! What African American women have to realize is Black men who choose to bash them are mentally ill. Take a look at the Black community we are eating our young. We are hanging by a thread. Therefore, we have this bottom of the barrel mentality. Jared is willing to forgive 400 years of slavery and brutality and spends his time praising the White man’s booty. Black women are the most loyal to their men out of all the races, but they do not get this in return from their men. Jared, you sound crazy as hell. Jared, you have arrived because White women are sleeping with you? I guess this has washed 400 years of slavery off of your forefathers.

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