If you have lived in a protective bubble your whole life and secretly desire the contrast of a “bad boy,” this article is for you.
Here is what you should know: Bad boys often put up a facade to cover their pain.
Why do women think they can change a bad boy into a great mate? Is it possible? According to bad boy Bryan, the answer is absolutely not! Bryan’s question for you is: What would ever make you think you can change me from the bad boy to the perfect mate? I was bad when you met me and still am, even after attending several DUI and drug-rehab programs. What makes you think you can help me become a fixed man when those programs couldn’t? Honestly, ladies, the only person that can change a bad boy to good is his own inner desire, with the help of God’s (and your) helping hand.
I asked bad boy Bryan about the defining moments in his life that made him wake up and say to himself, “No more, I need to change.” What was that moment that encouraged him to seek a relationship with God?
Bryan replied that after several programs for drug and alcohol abuse, time in jail, losing his mom and two really good relationships, he was tired. Bryan’s mother was his main support system in his times of trouble, and now he realized he could no longer rely on her to pick up all the broken pieces. After two failed relationships, he was tired of making the exact same mistakes. It is only when a bad boy becomes tired of destroying himself and others that he will have a chance to heal his life. Those of you brave ladies willing to take this wild ride should investigate first and fall in love second.
Duly note that bad boys often get worse before they get better. It has little to do with you and your relationship. He is trying to cover up past issues and regrets that he has not dealt with, while avoiding the root of the problem. He tries to drown out his past mistakes and insecurities with drugs and alcohol. This time it’s one drink; the next time it’s two or three, and so on. He will never drink enough to cover the pain, because he has ignored the original cause. As a result, the issue was never addressed.
Bad boys often know what women to approach. It’s actually quite simple. He is attracted to and picks the woman who thinks she can fix him, the broken man. It’s the perfect match and an oxymoron: “I will fix him and he will be my perfect man.” But what this damsel soon-to-be-in-distress does not realize is that unless the bad boy is in a program like Alcoholic Anonymous or is actively taking the necessary steps to become a better person, she will eventually fall in love with trying to save him, along with the myriad of unsolved problems plaguing his inner sanctum. Consequently, his hell will become her hell, and the “two shall become one person (Genesis 2:24).”
The key mistake you make is thinking you can change him without any professional help or guidance. He will instead put you through hell and use you for every resource you have, until you are all used up or until the next willing victim comes to your rescue. (5 Sure Ways to Know the Man You’re Dating is a User)
Misery loves company
If the bad boy is a big drinker, he wants you to get drunk with him, even though he knows it will not be good for you. He compels you to drink with him, because he does not want you pointing the finger back at him. If he is a drug user, nine times out of 10, he will have you experimenting with drugs and doing things you would have never dreamed of, like running down the street buck-naked on speed. Drugs and bad boys are real and will destroy your life, so be extra careful, especially if you have children. Not even having his baby will change his ways, unless he wants to change. He will only drag you and the kids through hell on earth.
6 Ways to Recognize a Bad Boy
1. There will always be an underlying problem that prevents him from being happy sober.
2. He is looking for a happiness he cannot find within himself. Possible causes could be his parents getting divorced early in his childhood, his mother or father were alcoholics, etc.
3. Hidden low self-esteem.
4. He does not love himself.
5. He is in denial. A bad boy will get progressively worse because of his failure to address the underlying issues.
6. Irresponsible behavior. Drugs will make him forget his friends, family and your anniversary.
A bad boy is thinking he can convince you to do some negative act, just as you are thinking you can help him become a better man. (Women Have the Power to Help Men Become Better) Perhaps with lots of time, patience, prayer and God’s help, “All things are possible (Matthew 19:26).” He may know he needs a good woman, but the addiction wants the good girl to be as naughty as he is.
His bad habits were developed over a period of time and it will take a period of time to reverse them. Consider that in the past he filled his body with abusive substance on top of abusive substance, which absolutely did not promote positive thinking or outcomes. Realize that on top of the constant intake of abusive substances, he never gave his brain or body a chance to work through his past problems. Now, only God can affect the change in his lifestyle, because only God can dig that deeply. Pray for him earnestly and constantly, because it is truly his soul that is at stake, not to mention his freedom, happiness and a successful relationship with you (1 Peter 1:6, 4:12, Romans 5:3-5).
Bryan says the above scriptures taught him that he does not need to be depressed, angry, ashamed or guilty, nor does he need to cover up his past trials, because they produced character and taught him perseverance. They taught him that God loves him and allowed all for his journey to spiritual uplift (James 1:2-4, 1 Peter 4:12). God chastises those whom he loves. It further taught him that God decided to use him as an instrument of his perfect and ultimate plan (Romans 8:29). Bryan recalls a quote from a band he loves named “Pantera” and the song “Becoming” which states: “Unscarred by trials, because the trials he went through made him the better man he is becoming today.”
The big change in Bryan’s attitude was due to his finally understanding that if he does not correct his own behavior, he will only keep repeating the same mistakes, leading down the road to disaster with no one to save him. As he is reaching for a positive change, allow the bad boy in your life to make amends for all the mistakes he has made, because it is your forgiveness that will help heal him, as well as you. (Learning the Art of Forgiveness is a Must to Attracting a Successful Relationship) Once forgiveness is extended, a great weight will be lifted from his and your shoulders. Now the rebuilding process can truly begin. Also remember that until he learns to forgive and love himself, he will never be able to truly love you.
My simple suggestion is that if you desire to date a bad boy, desire and pray for a “good bad boy,” one who has already been through the fire and has come out on the other side tested.
This article is dedicated to Amber, Shaun and Pam.