Note: This article is helpful for all types of addictions.
Below are some of the common symptoms of a person addicted to drugs:
1. Mood swings
2. Financial issues
3. Weight loss
4. Behavior changes
5. Changes in daily routine
6. Irresponsible behavior
7. Strange new friends
8. Lack of spending money
9. Irritability and restlessness
Addiction is a mental war within oneself. Using your sixth sense (intuition) will often be necessary. As a rule of thumb, here are 12 ways you can help the MOYD get over a drug or alcohol addiction.
1. Understand that addiction is mental, not physical.
2. Listen with extreme patience, as if you are dealing with a child.
3. Don’t let negative outside influences scare you away. Do not listen to people who have no experience in dealing with drug addiction.
4. Keep giving positive encouragement on a daily basis. For example:
a. “I am going to get you healthy.”
b. “You are getting more handsome by the day.”
c. “Your complexion is coming back.”
d. “With God all things are possible (Matthew 19:26).”
5. Do not be so quick to shun him. Instead, keep building trust and encouragement, along with his self-esteem. (The Five Magic Words the Man You’re Dating Secretly Wants You to Say) This will also be a physical, mental and spiritual test for you (Matthew 7:12).
6. Understand that recovery will be a 24/7 job for at least a couple of months. It will take a month for the encouraging words to sink in and become of use to his psyche.
7. Be open-minded, because you don’t want to let the monster or demonic spirit in his head to get too big. Once he makes up his mind, he will not be able to hear you and overcome the craving to use drugs or drink.
8. Jump right on the addiction and consistently and positively stay on his back. As it is often referred to in boxing, “Keep him on the (recovery) ropes.” Stay on him and do not ease up. Sometimes, you may have to be affirmatively rough on him. He might not like everything you say, but it is part of the recovery. Even when you get over the hump, you will still have to stay on him lightly for up to one year. Love can overcome any challenge. It’s all about being by your man’s side at one of the lowest points in his life.
9. It is important that you do not act on your emotions, but use logical reasoning.
10. Do not be embarrassed to seek professional help quickly.
11. Do not allow him to get too comfortable, with too much idle time on his hands. You must keep your man busy. An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.
12. Change your environment. Move to a different city, state or country.
12 ways to help the MOYD get over a drug/alcohol addiction: Part 2
In the first 90 days, there are three stages on the road to recovery from drug or alcohol abuse:
1. Physical detox: 1 to 30 days
2. Mental detox: 31 to 60 days
3. Spiritual detox: 61 to 90 days. This requires group involvement, such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings and/or attending a church, mosque, synagogue, etc.
In the beginning, when you first discover the addiction, ask him indirectly, in the gentlest way possible, if he is drinking or doing drugs. Do realize that if the MOYD is addicted to drinking or drugs, the first step is to educate and arm yourself with knowledge of the facts about addiction, and seek people who have experience with successfully dealing with addictions. Coming up with solutions off the top of your head, without the education, is not going to work. You are going to need some tools to deal with this rollercoaster ride, and one of the best tools you can obtain will be getting the advice of experienced people.
Mindset of an addict
An addict is essentially a selfish person in practically every aspect of his life. So when an addict abuses drugs or alcohol, the demonic spirit within him knows that he is harming his family and friends. He lies to himself.
Every addict is stone-cold sober when he makes the decision to go purchase the drug of his choice. So, if by deductive reasoning, he is sober and making decisions without regard to his family, you now have a firsthand look at the power of addiction, the power of drugs and the seriousness of the illness/demonic possession. His problem centers in his thinking. Addiction is when he does harmful things to himself and others, knowingly and repeatedly. Being self-centered is the root of the addict’s problem. You have to have a certain amount of selfishness to take a substance, knowing good and well that it is going to hurt yourself, your family and friends.
Addiction is a behavior. It is an act and decision made before taking the substance. He is being selfish because he does not weigh the pros and cons. It is a behavior pattern that he has been practicing for many years. (Understanding if You Can Change a “Bad Boy” into the Man of Your Dreams (MOYD)?) Your job is to usher him towards the information that will help him overcome the addiction, with the help of the accompanying support system. He can overcome the addiction, getting and truly receiving the information into his spirit.
Addicts and alcoholics are the same thing. An addict will put a psychiatrist on the couch. The best way to help an addict overcome his addiction is by seeking the professional help of a former addict. Addiction is a behavioral issue that cannot be corrected by force. Forcing the MOYD may make him relapse. Meet him on the level he’s on, with an equivalent response– someone who had the experience of being in the same place, and who overcame the addiction. What makes him an addict is his behavior, not the bottle he drinks from or the drugs he takes. Your job is to help him get to the place where he can identify the problem. Seek groups such as AA, the famous 12-step program founded by Bill Wilson.
In order to truly correct the problem, he needs to give back; for example, with group involvement. He is going to have to ask God to give him the strength to forgive himself and apologize to others. Beware and be prepared that through his addictive behavior, he might have hurt you in ways you are not aware of; for example, missing money. So do not be shocked at his confessions during his recovery phase, because it could cause him to relapse. (Learning the Art of Forgiveness is a Must to Attracting a Successful Relationship!)
First 30-day period (critical period) recommendations
During the first 30 days, the MOYD should be flushing his system with plenty of liquids. It takes about 30 days for the drugs to clear his system. The drugs create an alternative state of reality, constantly lying to him and creating an urge so strong that it will cause him to be totally irresponsible. Each time he takes a drink, he thinks it’s going to be different, but the same problem repeats itself every single time. The obsession overrules all thoughts, including his love for God.
The illusion leads to insanity or unsound thinking, and the disease changes faces, often attracting other types of drugs. An addict suffers from mental, physical and spiritual ailments–a demonic possession. The disease becomes a master manipulator, thus the need for a power greater than himself, such as God and highly-experienced groups like AA. A power greater than him is needed, because the disease runs parallel with his thinking, like two streets running in the same direction. He needs someone with experience, off whom he can bounce his ideas. An addicted mind is his worst enemy. He may tell himself, “Let’s go downtown and get a hotel suite,” knowing good and well that downtown is the hotspot for drugs. He needs to be in constant communication with someone who can recognize his crafty thoughts and tactics and say, “No, that’s a bad idea.”
If your man is an alcoholic or drug addict, get professional help. Do not think you can do it all by yourself. Recovery is accomplished when he no longer has the obsession to use drugs or drink alcohol.
31 to 60 days into recovery–mental detox
The MOYD may not respond well emotionally; he may misinterpret things being said to him. This period can be compared to an emotional rollercoaster. During the 31-to-60-day period, the addicted man is going through physical changes. These are due to his body’s craving for drugs, which contributes to the irritability or restlessness. It may or may not be to a high degree. In addition, he could experience some physical trauma due to withdrawal, and the fact that anybody who has abused drugs and alcohol has traumatized himself mentally and physically, through loss of weight, improper rest and lack of proper nourishment. The body and mind need to function properly. It’s dangerous for an addict to recover, then relapse.
Your purpose during this 31-to-60-day period of mental detox is to be his support system and companion. Drugs break down his self-esteem, so if you support him with lots of love, it will help him build it back up, reinforcing that he can kick the addiction. (Women have the Power to Help Men Become Better) (The Five Magic Words the Man You’re Dating Secretly Wants You to Say)
61 to 90 days into recovery–spiritual detox and group involvement
Encourage the MOYD, with your support, to get involved with a mentoring program at church, or any community-based program such as AA. Here, he can get help and also share his experiences with others who can relate, as well as meet mentors who have overcome their drug and/or alcohol addictions. It is very important to encourage him to keep doing what he needs to do to get himself clean, as opposed to sitting around at home with lots of idle time. Idle time is a BIG no-no when dealing with an addiction.
Equally important is for you to find a support group for yourself, especially with people who have experience dealing with drug addictions. There will come a time when you will need the knowledge and support that these types of groups, such as Al-Anon, can offer. It’s important to realize that during this first 90-day period, he may relapse. You are not Superwoman, so do not try to do it by yourself (Ecclesiastes 4:9, 10).