Here is the scenario: Michael meets the woman of his dreams, Jamie, at age 37, finally. Two years into the relationship, due to medical reasons beyond her control, they find out that there is only a 10% chance she can have children. Michael has no children, but wants a child. Should he stay in the relationship or leave?
It’s a tough decision that a man has to make, especially when he meets the girl of his dreams at 37 and she only has a 10% chance of having children. “The girl I am with is awesome and I have never been treated this well, but she can’t have children? What should I do? Especially when a good woman is hard to find.”
I first recommend that he and the Woman of his Dreams (WOYD) come together in prayer and ask God to intervene. You remember the story of Abraham and Sarah: Sarah thought she could not have children (and didn’t, until God intervened). But Sarah was unselfish to the point that she asked Abraham to obtain a second woman to bear his child (Genesis 18).
So we know that having children can be the most powerful force. And we know that a woman is the bomb when a man gets a new phone and dumps all his old jump-offs! It’s a really tough decision for a man to make – what should he do? It’s a real test of a man’s faith, an interesting twist of fate, in part just because this woman is such a good person. Stick it out, or go? God, what are we going to do? What am I going to do?
Mrs. E, 50 plus years on the planet: “You have options. Adopt, or get counseling quickly, because it’s going to always be a point of contention if not properly settled, so either you have to settle the contention or leave the relationship.”
Jared: And what if you break up five years later? All these things you really have to consider. I think it may be best that he leave now.
Ms. Abby, 38 years on the planet: “If you truly love the person, then having a [biological] child should not make any difference, because in reality, you’re supposed to get married until death do you part. So if you are really married the old fashion way, then this issue should not be a problem because you are already married to this person (Should Marriage Vows Be Updated?)!
Jared: Good “old fashioned” values.
Chantal, 40+ years on the planet: “I believe there is more than one person you can love in this life and I believe she should find a man who has already fulfilled his need of having children. Otherwise, when the relationship gets old he will resent the fact that she cannot have children, and, let’s face reality; relationships do get old at some point. If he really wants to have kids, he should do it. As the saying goes, “do you” have no regrets? It’s the greatest gift God can give you. I know a situation right now where a man is the most miserable person I know, simply because the woman he is married to cannot have kids and his biggest regret as he looks back on his life is not being with the woman he loved in high school who now has kids he feels should have be his kids. On the flip side, I know a woman who sacrificed having kids with her man till she got too old to have kids, and then their relationship broke up and he went his way and met another woman and had kids with her.”
Jared: What a bummer!
Chantal: “On the flip side, men can have kids at a later age well into their 50’s and 60’s, but this is not the case for most women. I believe that he would actually be doing themselves both a favor by leaving the relationship and finding a woman who can give him what he wants. Do not give up having a family for love. This couple is what I consider to be unequally yoked (How Important is it to Be Equally Yoked in a Relationship & Share Equal Values?). On the other hand, she should do him a favor and let him go, and find a mate for herself who does not want to have children or who already has children. The man in this situation needs to keep searching for the love of his life who can have his babies so he can make a family, leaving his seed upon the earth. My answer to a couple faced with this scenario is to be wise and unselfish, and to be honest with yourselves. Don’t waste five years of your life when you already know the answer today. You want children and she cannot have them. Five years sacrificed, or having the joy of your life: a child who could be five years old. Be very responsible with the time you are given as tomorrow is not promised.”
Darren, 46 years on the planet: “I would first go through all measures to see if the doctor’s opinion is correct. Get a second and third opinion, and I would see if IVF could be done, or surrogacy for the couple’s embryo, and lastly, I would seek adoption. As a last result, if this is my girl and I believe in her and the relationship, I would go for adoption. Some of you may think in your mind that I am settling, but I would not consider it settling because I first exercised every option that was available and this was the last remaining choice, as opposed to having had multiple choices and choosing this.
Ed. note: So many babies and young children were born to folks who could not take care of them – it may be a service to God to take one of them in and give them parental love.
Saint Virgie, infinite number of years on the planet: “Truth that I have always stood by, is what the Lord gives me: “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD” (Proverbs 18:22), But because he found her, and because of the love between them and the fact that they are standing on God’s words and promises, their faith and bond and love are strengthened. And that exponentially increases the percentage from 10% because of the true love and commitment between them. It is a true test of their faith to stand together in the face of such adversity, however, “With God All Things are Possible.” Matthew 19:26.
Need I say more? I have given you the pros and cons but at the end of the day it is a choice that only you can make for yourself.