HTGTMOYD: Who do you think will make the most compatible partner – the man with or without experience?
Having dated a multitude of men both virgins and, well, let’s say a little more experienced in the bedroom, I believe that sexual experience has nothing to do with compatibility.
Now sexual chemistry, on the other hand, is a completely different story. Let me tell you a little bit about my own adventures so you can understand my reasoning.
Back in my college days, I dated very few men. When I did date, I didn’t have the confidence in myself to go after a man whom I knew was experienced. I suppose I thought that if I dated someone with the same amount of sexual experience as myself (so, say, none, since I topped off with a whopping ZERO sexual partners total prior to entering college), I could be less nervous and more on the same page. When I met my ex-boyfriend Iain, he was a virgin. It was plainly obvious from the moment we met. And if I had to guess, I’d say he may have kissed a girl or two prior to pursuing me, but I was unsure of even that. Still, there was something charming about him that had initially drawn me in.
At first, I wasn’t physically attracted to him. But after he pursued me for over a year, I finally gave in – partially because he was so adamant, and partially because he had wooed me with promises of romantic dates, surprise flowers, and unrelenting compliments on my appearance. I was a sucker for compliments. As a slightly overweight young woman, I didn’t exude much confidence. But Iain made me feel pretty, and I quickly forgot about any extra pounds that might have hung around my waistline.
What I didn’t forget? The time we first kissed. We had both come from a party, both a little more than drunk and so teeming with liquid courage. He just grabbed me and planted one right on my mouth. And it was terrible. His tongue forced its way through my sealed lips, yet I was too drunk to think twice about what was happening and I went with it, thinking “Hey, it’s experience that I could use.”
The next morning, I tried to not think about the kiss too much. I figured its quality could have just been a drunken fluke, and maybe he wasn’t as terrible as I had originally thought. (A little side note: I now consider the kiss to be THE most important indicator of how good a man is in the bedroom as all the terrible kissers I’ve been involved with ended up being god-awful in bed. Of course, I didn’t know that back then.)
As a naïve college student, I decided to give Iain another opportunity to prove his skills. When we met later that day, this time sober, another kiss took place. Surprisingly, it wasn’t as terrible, but in no way was it close to fireworks, either. Still, after more time and more pursuing on his part, we made it official and a relationship ensued. Eventually, sex was mixed into the equation and as the kissing was subpar, so was the sex. It was – just ok. Not mind blowing, not spectacular, but he got the job done and (most of the time) left me satisfied.
But, as time would have it, the relationship ran its course, and after trying and failing to continue the relationship post graduation, we decided it was best to part ways.
A few months and a few men later, I met my ex-fiancé. It was instant attraction with him. There was no question as to how my body responded to his presence, and for him, it was the same. We exchanged numbers and flirtations and before too long, we were in a relationship.
Now, at this point I had a few notches on my belt as after my last relationship I’d decided to experiment and perfect my bedroom skills with a couple of rebounds. So, now I was up to maybe five sexual partners, and my current partner confessed to having had quite a few more.
I will admit, I was excited knowing that he had experience and could possibly show me a thing or two in the bedroom. I had never been with a man who had had multiple partners. Most of them had had maybe one before me, and I couldn’t gain much knowledge from my horizontal hokey pokey sessions with them. With my ex-fiancé, I figured that if the sex was half as good as the physical chemistry alone, then I was in for the surprise of my life. I couldn’t wait. And thank God I didn’t have to wait all too long! Not only did our first kiss blow my mind, as our tongues quickly matched pressure and rhythm, but as soon as we made it to the bedroom I was hearing choirs of angels and seeing stars.
The. Sex. Was. Mind-blowing.
The sex was amazing.
If I were never to experience any sex other than this for the rest of my life, I would have remained the happiest of women.
But he’s your ex now, you’re thinking. True…time and extenuating circumstances got the better of us and our time came to an end. But, I will never forget just how amazing the sex was. There is no image or man that can ever erase that file in my head.
So, you ask, does a man with experience or without make a more compatible partner? Although one with multiple past partners can bring more skill to the table, or bedroom in this case, I believe it is all about the chemistry, the physical attraction and the kiss. Without these three, the sex will be just sex and the relationship just a relationship – experience or no experience.