The Seven Year Itch happens when a man becomes restless in his long-term relationship and starts noticing other women, well to be totally honest it is the point to when a man becomes FED-UP. This point in his life is marked by boredom, routine, and either a lack of sex or unimaginative sex that feels like checking off an item on a grocery list. We might start getting taken over by other priorities – maybe the time she finishes with the kids for the day, she is not thinking about her man’s sexual needs, or maybe there’s not enough time for foreplay. But acting like the important bonding of sex doesn’t matter could eventually lead to cheating. (Understanding The 9 Big Reasons Men Cheat on Beautiful Women)
Let’s hear from Joey, a man who’s felt the itch. He says, “Let’s be clear, I love my wife. However, the seven year itch is more about getting stuck in a daily routine than it is about having sex with another woman.”
Joey sees it this way: you get married and have a couple of kids, and then you become inundated with a bunch of negative responsibilities that aren’t too appealing. Yes, it’s great having kids; however, some of the never-ending tasks like washing bottles, changing diapers, catering to your wife when she does not feel beautiful or adequate, or accepting that your sex life is less important because the wife sees the children as the priority can all take a toll. So acceptance turns into sacrifice; you settle in and accept, but this version of a marriage sure is depressing. What about grown-up time? What about valuing yourselves as people, not just as parents? Treating your house and home like you and your spouse are daycare workers isn’t what you agreed to in the marriage contract — sounds much like a MORT-GAGE, the root MORT meaning DEAD. This is why the Bible says in the book of James 4:13-16, “Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit’— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.’ As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil.”
Think of what we’re told: “What is your life?” Well, how do you want to answer that question? Seven years or so into a marriage, you now know what you did not know could happen: you are locked into a set routine, set by your spouse’s and children’s agendas, and even if you bark in disagreement, the ship is run by the Queen Mother. When you add it up at the end of the day, it starts to feel like the cons outweigh the pros 20 to 1. (Dating 102: Weighing the Pros and Cons) It’s just that simple.
I know some of you ladies think you got it made like an NBA wife whose husband just signed a big contract out of college, just because you now have a marriage contract. I have met many ladies who say they do not need any relationship advice because once you have a man, you’ve achieved your goal! So I guess that’s why they have Reality TV shows like Basketball Wives with all the drama, because life is perfectly simple after marriage? Anyway, anyone with experience knows even the best of relationships at times will have problems. You need skills like understanding and communicating to make it work. So put your pride to the side and stop pretending like having a man makes you immune to relationship problems.
The biggest mistakes women with this type of mindset make is getting too comfortable. (Top 10 Mistakes Women make in Finding and Keeping the Man of Their Dreams) Well now, seven years later, it’s time for the wakeup call. I’ll admit it, men can be much like a dog in heat, if you know what I mean. A dog in heat will jump the first available suitable leg. Your man might love you and not want to lose you, but he’s not being physically fulfilled, and that’s a strong call. So the big question becomes, what are you going to do when your man gets bored with the daily routine that you might be ok with, or what will you do when he starts missing the chase and excitement of meeting new women because of your failure to give him the attention he needs and deserves?
Let’s go back inside the mind of a man who is challenged with this problem. He loves you, but he also has the itch… Got to go, got to go!
Htgtmoyd: Marcus, when did you first start to notice you were getting the seven year itch?
Marcus: After four years of marriage and two toddlers, I noticed that my new position in the family was more of keeping the bills paid, and the routine was so structured that it was choking me in my boredom. There was no excitement, and for a man who is adventurous, this is a death sentence. What is a man supposed to do? For example, I will fly anywhere in the world, but my wife will not fly more than three hours. This unfortunately greatly limits the amount of far off travel destinations we can go. How do I not get stuck in the same daily routine with my wife, two kids and no excitement?
Htgtmoyd: How could a woman understand how to deal with and help her man through the seven year itch?
Marcus: For instance, before I was married I had a thriving real estate career and had just bought a new sports car. I was used to having my freedom. I was an engineer by trade, and my trade required me to travel a lot. However, once I got married my new sports car just sat in the garage and shortly thereafter I begin to enter into a daily routine that was never really me. Before I got married, I use to play a round of golf with the fellas and have a few beers afterwards over the span of 4-5 hours; however, in wifedom, I am never afforded the time because she can’t stand to be home alone with the kids more than a few hours. (How to Help the Man of Your Dreams Understand the Feeling of Being Stuck at Home with the Kids?) As a result, I have now pushed my golf buddies to the side because I no longer have the time. I submitted to her agenda, and stop playing golf with the fellas and now play alone when time permits. The bottom line is now I have to find ways at the house to entertain myself and as a result I was even gaining weight and physically starting to change. I need an outlet.
Htgtmoyd: What should a woman do?
Marcus: You have to help your man to find a positive outlet away from you and the daily routine you have established for him. If he is an adventurous man [who can’t adventure], you will kill him mentally and eventually physically, and if not that, you will kill your relationship. You have to help him find an outlet.
My wife suggested that I buy a Harley Davidson and let me tell you, it has been my saving grace. Why did it help me? I begin to meet other Harley riders and begin to find out that they all had similar problems of needing to get out of the house and the daily routine from family life. What’s made the Harley the perfect outlet is because you are riding out in the open air, smelling the different smells from the environment like fresh cut grass, exhaust fumes from cars to smelling the fresh air from the countryside or a fresh rain. No roof over my head and nothing to think about, just letting my mind go free for a moment. As a general rule: Live your life, don’t let someone else live their life through you, and most importantly, don’t let them inject their fears into you.
Ladies, please note this is only temporary fix because the real solution lies within you.
If you want your relationship to work, you must balance your careers, family, and, most importantly, the time you spend with your husband. Get back to being friends and sharing the special intimate moments where you get sexy and throw on some lingerie. Don’t wait until your relationship is over to start back to shopping at Victoria Secret. Don’t make your husband the roommate, but always remind yourself and him that he is your friend and lover. The problem like most things in life is we often take it for granted what we have until we lose it. You know what they say: “You don’t miss the water until the well runs dry”.
Don’t let your man stop being who he is just to please you. If your man loses himself in trying to please you, then you have basically lost your man. A man who has obviously lost himself in trying to please you will not be the same man you married four years earlier. He will be much like a dog at your beck and call who is always wagging his tail for his master. Having this type of control over a man may sound appealing to you in this moment, but eventually anyone who is going against his own natural will, will end up being unhappy and seeking an outlet away from you. You may be happy, but not him. If you understand what I am saying on a deeper level, your actions of today are creating your own future misery. His misery will eventually become your misery, which will eventually lead to cheating, dishonesty and the destruction of your relationship.
Don’t forget to love and prioritize each other. Yes, the kids are a big priority, and their academic, athletic, and social lives can put a drain on you. But you also have to have balance. Once those kids don’t need to be watched every second of the day so they’re not swallowing Legos, you start teaching them self-respect and responsibility. You have more time to be with your man if your kids are loading up the dishwasher after dinner, and they have a better chance of becoming responsible, independent adults, too. If you forget your man because you are too busy with the kids, eventually your man will reach a point, “The Seven Year Itch”, where he has a conversation with himself that ends with, “If she won’t do me, I am going to do me”.
Keep a date night and don’t get so stuck in your routine that your forget the intimacy of your relationship. Let’s face reality: the world is filled with many beautiful and lonely women who will love nothing more than to spend some quality time with your man. A man is tempted on a daily basis just as a woman is hit on daily.
The love is there, right? Don’t forget to make it and avoid the “The Seven Year Itch!”