First of all, understand that how old you are does not make a difference in your results. Please realize that you could be fifty years old, but when you don’t know what to do, you are as helpless as a twenty year old woman who just started dating. So the first thing to do is put your pride to the side and admit you need help. But how do you know you need help? Answer: When you keep getting the same undesired results from man you want to be with, meaning the man you are in love with keeps pushing you away. Remember this, too: who cares about how you reach your goal so long as you get the desired results?
In addition, after acknowledging that you don’t know what to do, admit your feelings for this man to yourself: you are now in love with this man. Maybe you couldn’t see it at first, but as you have now been pushed back and away from him, you find yourself wanting to be with him all the time. If instead of saying so directly you speak to him in roundabout ways that comes out of your mouth and to his ears as offensive, your confusion will spread to him. But once you acknowledge this truth, first to yourself and second to him, your confusing communications and intentions will become clear. As a lady, you will find yourself almost willing to do anything to get back in his good grace, so the most important thing is to not do the things that cause you to fall out of grace in the first place! In fact, you must to do the opposite.
The following is a list of actions that, if you practice, can lead you to the victory you want with the Man of Your Dreams:
1. Listening and Acceptance
First, realize that men have been conditioned to communicate differently than women: we say more of what we mean. For example, you buy the man you are dating a tie for work; however, he has previously mentioned he does not wear ties, only bow ties. To a man, the fact that you think he will look great in this beautiful tie and have gone out of your way to purchase it is not complimentary. Rather, it tells him that you haven’t listened and are choosing to ignore his preferences. Understand that some thoughtful men may wear the tie just because they want to see you smile and they appreciate your efforts; however, if he does not, do not crumble in disappointment. He has already told you he does not like ties and it is now obvious that either you were not listening and or did you accept his position (Learning the Art of Acceptance is the Key to a Successful Relationship!). The fix to correcting this error is simply first to calm down and truly listen, thereby getting to know what your newfound love is thinking. Unfortunately, in our fast food society, we often act before we listen. Multiplied over time, this behavior will eventually lead to the opposite of the results you desire. (The Art of Listening to the Man of Your Dreams) However, if you , truly listen while setting aside ego, you will not only know and understand his thoughts but you will also will form good habits! Now your output will equal the results desired: “Honey, this bow tie is amazing!”
A good memory is always the best solution to a lack of appreciation. Failing to remember where you came from and what you were doing when you met this man is a major reason he might take you out of the game and put you back on the proverbial bench. “Man, I thought I had star!”
For example, imagine that last year at this same time you were sitting at home by yourself, miserable. You had been walking to work and catching the bus here and there to make it to your appointments, but then you meet this newfound love who is not only picking you up and dropping you off everyday, but even taking you to your appointments. Not only that, but he opens and closes the door for you! What many women fail to understand about men is that we are really listening, recording in our minds every thing you are saying from the unhappy to happy moments of your life in the beginning and before sex. A man who is truly interested in you wants to be an asset to your life. He wants your life to be better than what you previously experienced, or else, what’s the point?
Fix: Appreciation is being thankful that someone cares enough about you, sees you as valuable enough, that he changes his schedule to accommodate you and your safety. But if you start to complain that he did not open a door for you 1 day out of 30, well my friend, you are taking on an unreasonable and unappreciative spirit. (Dating the Unrealistic Woman) The fix is simply to remember where you came from and to be appreciative of everything another person who is not your mama or daddy (and perhaps your brothers and sisters) is willing to do for you. No complaints!
Patience — or a lack thereof — comes from wanting a relationship so bad that you fail to build it stone by stone. I know it’s been a long time since you had a decent prospect; however, you have to take your time, listen, and accept him for who he is. Be patient if he does not see your points of view right away. (The Art of Being Patient: Dating 101) Fix: Remember that you are building a relationship on a solid foundation: be understanding and patient, and you will build trust over time. His ears will eventually, through this positive reinforcement, be more in tune with your opinions and suggestions.
4. Loosen Control
In the workplace, you might be the boss over male employees. Great! I think that no matter what color, race, gender, or creed, a person should be able to rise to his or her natural, God-given ability. However, it is important to not let gender remain a blanket statement. You might be the boss of a man at work; that doesn’t mean you’re the boss of EVERY man, just like it doesn’t mean you’re the boss of every woman! A successful relationship is going to involve give and take, trust and desire. And especially when it comes to an alpha male personality, the boss mentality is not going to work. (Do You Have What it Takes to Date and Alpha Male?). You have to know what type of animal you are dating, and you have to be sensitive to the needs of the particular person you love. Fix: loosen your desire to control and go with the flow. When you come home from work, realize that you are not the boss, but the woman of his dreams; with that being said, you have to know what turns your man on, what makes him tick, what makes him not want to live without you. Do those things over and over and then some and you will draw him in and closer to you.
5. Stop Questioning and Learn to Go with the Flow
Stop asking questions like, “what are we doing” or “who am I to you?” These questions demonstrate to a man that you lack confidence in who you are and your abilities, and that you are unsure of yourself and the outcome of your efforts. A man loves a confident woman. Fix: Fake it until you make it, even if you are scared out of your boots of the outcome. Move forward as if you are the bomb.com, be bold and confident but not abrasive, and later, after your honeymoon, you say, “Honey, I have a confession to make…. I was scared out of my boots.” The two of you will have a good laugh together, and he will more than likely to ‘fess up and tell you his own fears! One thing you will realize about people is that no matter how big or small in stature, everybody is scared to be rejected.
6. Get Your Life and House Together
Let’s be straight: if you know you do not have your own life aligned with the stars, please don’t feel you are making yourself valuable by judging or trying to fix his life. Eventually he will only look at you with discontent. Fix: Contemplative (not passive aggressive) silence is the best answer. Go with the flow and solidify a solid friendship while you are fixing and readying your life in order to be able to accept the Man of Your Dreams. You can only know a good man by getting to know him. Focus on being a real friend, appreciate him, and thank God that you have attracted a man who is truly worth his weight in gold. The more you truly know each other, the better chance you have of supporting each other honestly and living in the house you’ve built on a solid foundation of trust and honesty. If you’re spending your time wishing for a man who’s different from the one you’ve got, why are you staying?
I will leave you with food for your thoughts found in Proverbs 18:22, which says, “The man who finds a wife finds a good thing;” now, the same can be said in the reverse for a woman: the woman who finds the Man of her Dreams finds a good thing. Fix: When you find a good man, know it, accept it, listen to and appreciate him; loosen your neurotic control, stop doubting, and prepare your life to receive the blessing God already has in store for you!