Sleeping with the Enemy

Who is the enemy? Read on, and you might just discover it’s been you.

An enemy in a relationship is anyone acting contrary to the agreed upon goals and objectives of the relationship. Women who believe in and have a relationship with God may be surprised to discover that they can be the enemy if they are acting contrary to God’s Word and advice found in Genesis 2-23-24, Proverbs 12:4 and Ephesians 5:22:

Genesis 2:23-34

“This is it!” Adam exclaimed. “She is part of my own bone and flesh! Her name is ‘woman’ because she was taken out of man.” This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife in such a way the two become one person.”

Proverbs 12:4

“A worthy wife is her husband’s joy and crown, the other kind corrodes his strength and tears down everything he does.”

Ephesians 5:22

“You wives must submit to your husbands’ leadership in the same way you submit to the Lord.”

Ladies, I know many of you are literally cringing at these words, “submit to your husband.” However, such submission is the formula for a successful relationship because what it describes is actually having the right mind and spirit to conjoin with a man. Whoever created us in the beginning must have fully understood His creations; He also understood that in time, a woman’s urge would be to dominate a man.  But a willing, humble and unselfish spirit is the key to a successful and long lasting relationship. There cannot be two persons elected to the same office of President of the United States, so no matter what candidate, Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump, wins the election, he or she will be your leader if you live in America, whether you like it or not (Perfect Love? President Barack vs. First Lady Michelle Obama).

Which woman are you?  Are you the joy and the crown or are you the other kind that corrodes?

I don’t think you want to be a negative, draining influence, always fighting against your partner. I think that instead, you want to learn how to be a positive influence that works with your significant other as a complement. Imagine you’re in the deep end of a swimming pool, 10 feet deep, and you have to tread water for two minutes with a sack of stones around your neck. Would you make it? Or would you only make it if your partner threw you a floatation device?

Here is a simple truth: “When you speak against your significant other, you speak against yourself.” If you’re not walking with him, you’re walking in the opposite direction from both him and you.

Here are accounts of two significant relationships that I observed over the past 40 years. They have to do with my parents, those people who teach us the most by example regarding relationships.

First, my father was married to my mother for 23 years until they divorced.  He married a new woman, forming the second relationship I witnessed.  And I honestly witnessed my father accomplish seven times as much in the second relationship over only half the time period. Why, you might ask?

Growing up, I watched my father struggle and fight against my mother for everything he wanted to accomplish. My mother’s question was always “why” when it could have more usefully been “how” and what do you need me to do? Ladies, I want you to understand, there will be times in your life and your relationship when you will not understand everything your man is doing, or his dreams and goals or even what is happening to you, but that is what trusting in God and having faith is all about.  Even though I do not personally care much for the second woman my father married, I cannot deny their accomplishments within marriage.  The only variable that changed was the woman and her attitude.

You have to be honest with yourself as you assess your current and past relationships to determine what role you played in their success or failure. I say again, if you are not working with your man, then you are working not only against him but also against yourself. Last but not least, I believe you are also working against God’s will.

(Please note:  Just because you are doing what your man says does not mean you are doing it with the full heart and spirit that God intended.  A grudging spirit does not lead to success. “I will do this because I have to spirit… as oppose to doing it because you understand and fully support your man mentally, spiritually and physically.  There are three parts to the equation and if you are only giving 2/3, then you are not fully supporting your man.)

My parents’ marriage was a struggle, but I learned from it. Knowing what I know now, I would have not lasted one year in that relationship my father had with my mother. My father was worn down by my mother’s questioning his goals, which came from her having little to no faith in him and his abilities. Regardless, his goals were eventually accomplished, but not without strife.

My father’s second wife does not question his goals, but instead works with him in faith.  Now, my mother is certainly not a bad person. I honor her as God says to honor our mother and our father. But her actions were incompatible with God’s word.  She would not fully accept that her husband was the head of the household.  Even the IRS knows that there is a head of household… you only get to pick one! My mother was unfortunately very difficult for my father to work with — much like trying to tread water for 2 minutes with that sack of stones tied around your neck.

Ladies, I know you think you are being strong, but are you being strong like love or strong like rocks?

Here is a quote from Napoleon Hill’s book Law of Success:

“Remove the women from the audience and the game known as football would soon become a very tame affair.  A boy will throw himself into a football game with almost superhuman effort when he knows that the girl of his choice is observing him from the grandstand.

“And that same boy will throw himself into the game of accumulating money with the same enthusiasm when inspired and urged on by the woman of his choice.

“On the other hand, that same woman may, through a negative application of the law of the “Master Mind” (nagging, jealousy, selfishness, greed, vanity), drag this man down to sure defeat!”

-Napoleon Hill, Law of Success, chapter entitle “The Master Mind”

So if your man is not succeeding, look at yourself and ask which team you’re rooting for!  If you have not had a successful long lasting relationship, look at yourself.  If you have not been able to find and keep the man of your dreams, look at yourself.  If you are not happy in your current relationship, look at yourself.  Where will you really flourish, and with whom? Who will really flourish with you? A good woman is the secret of any man’s success and longevity and her own happiness, but a selfish and self-centered woman without faith is the secret of both his demise and her unhappiness.

Remember that serving your husband does not make you inferior or weak. It demonstrates your love, understanding, and humility. According to God’s word, those who are greatest are those who serve:

“The more lowly your service to others, the greater you are. To be the greatest, be a servant. But those who think themselves great shall be disappointed and humbled; and those who humble themselves shall be exalted.”

Matthew 23: 11,12

Did Jesus not wash the feet of the disciples? Are you so proud that you will not wash the feet of the man you say you love?


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