First of all, you must understand that approaching you, from our point of view, is very hard. We know a lot of men say that it’s not, but they’re lying. Men typically say that to impress you. Knowing that, interpreting a man’s approach in 60 seconds or less is very easy. What, easy? Yes. Easy.
It’s easy because, like most situations in a relationship, whether you think so or not, women have the upper hand. When a man approaches a woman, the wrong word could deflate the man faster than a popped balloon. However, knowing that you have such an impact means that you also have the responsibility to do what’s right in the situation. To interpret a man’s approach is simply made by watching him. Here are a few things to look for in a man, and how to interpret them.
There are many other clues to determine a man’s intentions in just a few seconds when he approaches you.
How is he dressed? Let’s set the scenario. You’re in a club, or a bar, or even a restaurant. Some sort of social setting. You see a guy that could have some potential. He looks as if he’s approaching you. Within those first ten seconds, the expert female observer can pretty much dissect his entire presentation. You start with the shoes. A nice pair of shoes means he takes care of the little things physically. It shows he’s thorough. Any guy can find a nice shirt and pants. But complementing accessories like footwear or a watch shows that he takes into consideration the minor details. Then you move up to the shirt and pants. Are they coordinated? If so, it means he cares about his appearance. It also means he cares about the first impression he’s going to make on any would-be love interests. Is he rocking some simple jewelry or is it something gaudy? Simple means he doesn’t need attention. Gaudy means he’s begging for it. Either way, it tells you a little something about his personality.
Is he smiling? This is a broad statement. Hopefully every man who approaches you will be smiling. So if you see someone frowning or looking like he’s going to throw up, don’t even talk to him. That’s an instant sign that the guy is being put up to it by his friends or from some bet. There are many different smiles. If he’s smiling that crooked smile, so only half his mouth looks happy, that generally means he’s thinking about you in an inappropriate manner. Don’t bother with him. If he’s more grinning than smiling, that usually means he’s not really interested in you, he just needs a question answered, or worse, he’s going to ask you if he can squeeze behind you to order a drink from the bar. But unlike the crooked smile, the grin is still an opening. At the very least, it shows a sign of manners and respect for women. If the man is smiling ear to ear, showing you his pearly whites, that’s usually a good sign. We say usually because when you get that smile, you have to look at other things, which we’ll cover. But assuming that all other signs are in check, the wide smile means that the man is sincerely interested in talking to you. He’s so interested, in fact, that he is trying to prove to you with his smile that he’s a “nice guy”. You will often find that men try hard to fit into that “nice guy” category when they find a woman they like. We know, as men, that a woman worth having is a woman who likes nice guys (though we will never admit that).
Does he maintain eye contact? This one is fairly obvious. His eyes should be focused on your eyes, and nothing else. If his eyes wander down to check you out, he probably isn’t the type of man you would want to be with. Some men think that by gawking at a woman, they are giving them a compliment. It makes absolutely no sense. Unless you’re flattered by someone saying, “Your figure is so amazing that I can’t even introduce myself to you before I stare at its wonder” with their eyes. Bottom line, if the man can’t control his eyes when he approaches you, chances are, he can’t control other parts of his behavior.
Does he take care of his teeth and fingernails? If he walks up to you eating or with food in his teeth, this shows a lack of manners and common sense. Dirty fingernails are the worst, on men or on women. If he has fingernails that are long and dirty, you can know that he doesn’t take care of himself or stay in the shower very long. Even a mechanic knows to use special soap to get rid of the grease in his nails when he wants to look presentable. If a man has clean fingernails that are long, you can assume he’s kind of feminine and non-athletic, and probably doesn’t do anything. Either way, it’s a little weird. If he has a long pinky nail, it may be a sign that he’s using drugs, but even if it isn’t, it’s still weird. Ideally, you want to look for clean, short, well rounded nails.
Is he sweaty or grimy? If you’re at the gym, or he just got off his job as a construction worker, and he’s sweaty, dirty, and just overall grimy, it’s okay for him to approach you but he shouldn’t be all over you. If he’s hot and sweaty and he’s all over you, it shows he doesn’t have respect for his current state of hygiene, or for you. This can also tell you how he lives at home. You can imagine the dirty clothes on the floor when he gets home.
A respectful man will approach you in an apologetic, cautious manner, knowing he’s not at his best. He’ll say hello but stand a couple feet back from you with an explanation and apology for his state of griminess. He won’t want to get his grime on you, and won’t want you smelling him when he’s in this state, but still had enough courage to approach you cautiously. This is good.
How does he shake your hand? If he squeezes your hand too hard, well, he’s an idiot. However, squeezing your hand too lightly, like a wet fish, tells you he lacks confidence. If he tries to do something like caress your hand, he’s overstepping his boundaries – that shows he doesn’t have any respect for meeting someone new.
Ideally, he should have a firm handshake – not too hard, not too soft. If you notice that his hands are moist or sweaty, he shouldn’t have shaken your hand in the first place. This could mean he’s nervous, but either way, he shouldn’t shake your hand if his hands are sweaty. He should wipe his hands very well before going up to meet you.
Are his hands rough or soft? If his hands are really rough, you can assume he’s an outside worker. If they’re relatively soft and smooth, he probably works in a white collar or professional environment, assuming that he works.
If you’re on the phone or talking with your friends, does he interrupt you or butt in, or does he wait or say “Excuse me”? Everybody’s busy, so if he has to butt in because he doesn’t want to miss the opportunity to approach you, he should still be respectful of whatever you’re doing. He should excuse himself for interrupting you, which will show you that he has respect for your time.
It takes a lot of courage for a man to walk up to a group of women or to interrupt you if he does it in a respectful fashion. There’s a difference between having courage and being obnoxious. The first is respectful and uses polite words, while the latter is disrespectful and rude. It’s comparable to a bum begging for money who doesn’t care if you’re on the phone, he just wants you to give him money. The man who interrupts you to speak to you is the same way: he just wants what he wants, and it’s not about you.
If he’s wearing sunglasses, does he take them off? In general, if he doesn’t take them off, you can assume he lacks manners. If it’s a bright, sunny day, he should at least take them off for a second so you can see his face. Sunglasses can be deceiving and make a person look completely different. You may not recognize him the next time without his sunglasses. Any man who’s truly interested in you would want you to be able to recognize him the next time you see him without his sunglasses. Think about it like this – what does it say to a man if you do not take off your sunglasses when he’s drawn up the courage to speak to you? It would say to him that you’re not that interested. You would take off your glasses, show your eyes, and put your best foot forward for someone you’re interested in.
If he’s wearing sunglasses in a dark club, he’s got certain confidence issues – he’s either over confident or under confident, or trying to imitate someone he’s not. Even if they’re light colored sunglasses, he should take them off for at least a second. Dark glasses should definitely be taken off, not to mention that dark glasses in a club are just weird. Usually someone wearing dark glasses is trying to intentionally hide their face, whether they’re a celebrity or they’re high.
Does he motion for you to go to him? If he flags you and calls for you to go to him, and doesn’t get up himself, you shouldn’t go to him. He’s looking at you as no more than a piece of meat on a hook. A respectful man, if he motions to you, will excuse himself from the table and get up and walk towards you – he’s not going to make you do all the work. The man who sits at the table and expects you to go to him is lazy and thoughtless. If he’s interested, he’s going to make the effort, and how he makes the effort should tell you everything. He should meet you at least halfway, as he’s the one interested in getting your attention. If he asks the waiter to give you a note, that’s okay, as he’s respecting your space and has the common sense to do so. The guy who yells across the room doesn’t care about the type of the person you could be – you may be a very private person who doesn’t like a person yelling to you across the room. Yelling across the room also tells you he is a bit obnoxious and unruly. He also likes the spotlight, and enjoys highlighting himself and his actions more than he’s conscious of you and your feelings.
Does he call you something other than your name, like “baby” or “sexy”? If he’s using words normally reserved for more personal or intimate situations, you know that he has no manners and little respect for you. He doesn’t know you yet, and doesn’t know if you like being called these things. This guy is overconfident and doesn’t understand boundaries, and has no respect for yours. He uses his words loosely, so when are they meaningful? A guy who says “hey baby” to you is saying it to everyone else as well. A man who uses these words too casually has little respect for the value behind these words. This is usually the sign of a man who’s trying to be a player, and not a man who’s looking for something with substance. He’s just putting bait on a hook and waiting to see who takes it – he’s not looking for anything serious. A man who is serious is going to speak to you in a normal, respectful manner and introduce himself.
If you’re at a club or a bar – does he offer to buy you a drink? Most men don’t know that this is a bad investment if they don’t know you, but it does tell you that apart from being generous, he will want something in return for his investment. If you’re not interested in giving him anything, including your time or conversation, do not accept his offer for a drink. Accept his offer only if you are genuinely interested in him. There are no free lunches or dinners.
Does he talk about himself, or does he show interest in you by asking you questions? Does he drop names or use anything other than himself to try to impress you, like mentioning his job, car, or financial status? Doing so tells you that he’s interested more in trying to get you to buy into what he has and what he’s accomplished instead of finding out about you. His focus is more on himself and why you should like him instead of getting to know you. He’s hoping that what he has will gain your interest, and feels that these things entitle him to a conversation with you. A man who has to use these things to try to impress you is somewhat insecure, as he obviously doesn’t feel that his presentation and conversation on their own are sufficient to win your interest.
Does he ask you probing questions about your job and where you live? He may be trying to figure out what you have and gauge your stability. This can mean one of two things – he either has his stuff together and he’s looking for someone who has her stuff together too, or, he doesn’t have his stuff together and he’s looking for someone to support him.
Does he give you a compliment? It’s okay for him to compliment you on your looks, but not in an inappropriate way. If he’s talking to you as if he knows you already, he’s interested in your body, not you. If he’s looking at your body, he’s talking to your body, not to you. If he mentions any part of your body, and can’t maintain eye contact, he’s more into your body than what you’re saying. Is it fair if you’re wearing a shirt with your boobs out? No, but a man with class should be able to handle you even if you’re butt naked.
In any situation where a man is approaching you, the easiest things to remember to look for are the bad things. If you watch a man approaching you and look for any fault in the above categories, you will easily be able to determine if he is worth your time in 60 seconds or less. And remember, you hold the key to this man’s happiness in the ensuing interaction. If you think he deserves any happiness, you might as well give him a chance. If he doesn’t deserve the happiness, don’t hesitate to politely decline.