speak

The Five Magic Words the Man You’re Dating Secretly Wants You to Say

speakUnderstanding how to speak to the man of your dreams can be the difference between having a partner who listens to what you have to say and who is easy to communicate with, or having a partner who tunes you out once you start talking.

The way you speak to your man could be making him feel belittled, disrespected, and vulnerable. The way you talk to your man can also make him feel like a million bucks, loved, and secure in your relationship. That’s how powerful your words can be to the man of your dreams. Many people, both men and women, tend to talk over the other person, not really listening to what they’re saying because they’re too busy thinking about what they want to say next. This is a bad habit that can be fatal to the relationship with the man of your dreams.

One of the biggest mistakes women make when they talk to men is to disrespect them; either by challenging their integrity or making them feel insecure with their manhood or masculinity. Understanding when you reach this point can be frustratingly unclear, as most men will choose to tune you out instead of discussing how the way you talk to them makes them feel.

It’s very important to acknowledge when the man of your dreams does bring up that he feels disrespected, mothered, nagged, or bullied when you talk to him. If he does, you should immediately consider modifying the way you speak to him. This is crucial if your man gets so frustrated with the way you talk to him that he has an outburst, either by screaming or throwing something. While this behavior should not be tolerated, it may happen every now and again. If it ever comes close to becoming physical, you should either leave the relationship immediately or consider altering your communication style to see if you can get a different result. Often times women have no clue how much the way they communicate can bring out the worst in a man.

If your man is pretty well balanced but you notice when you talk to him in a certain way you bring out his ugly side, you may want to first figure out why you are pushing his buttons. He could just as easily push your buttons back, but the man of your dreams definitely does not want to start unnecessary drama with his lover. Why would you?

Are you upset about something else and choosing to push your man’s buttons because your frustrations in another area of your relationship are bothering you? If so, then address your problems openly, and without ridicule or judgment. This will help you both communicate better with one another and avoid confusion which could lead to arguments down the road.

If you have a great sense of humor that borders on the sarcastic side make sure your man knows when you are kidding, unless he absolutely loves your sarcasm, this can eliminate a lot of the miscommunication that can lead to your man feeling disrespected. Let’s be very clear – when you are speaking to a man and you say the sky is purple, men are going to take your words at face value. They are not going to figure out that you really meant that the sky is blue. It’s best to be as concise as possible when communicating with men.

Use words that empower your man, that make him feel strong and sexy. Never choose to belittle him or challenge his masculinity unless you are prepared to deal with his ugly competitive side, which is not conducive for a long-term relationship. Remember these 5 words: “You can do it baby!” Say them every day, and he’ll be happy to hear that you believe in his abilities. It has a twofold effect: one, it gives him super confidence, and two, it greatly increases the love in the relationship. He will work so unbelievably hard on your behalf that you will be amazed. You’ll be saying to yourself, “I can’t believe that’s all it took to get my way!” You can do it baby!

But make sure you don’t sugar coat everything. This will only belittle him as a man and make him feel as if you are talking to a child and not your partner in life and love.

The most important part of communicating effectively with your man is to truly listen. It’s quite okay if you forget what you were going to say in a conversation. It is better to pause and forget because you were listening, than to remember, and not be able to repeat what he just said to you. You can never really hear what the other person is saying if your desire to speak is greater than your desire to listen. Discuss this with the man of your dreams and initiate a 5 second rule between responses so that you both develop better listening skills, which will create the most effective way to speak to the man of your dreams.

Your tone and the way you deliver your words can also have a profound impact on how your man interprets your words. A man who’s in tune with you may be sensitive to the tone you use, your body language, eye movements, etc. Carrying a sharp, short, unfriendly, or “b*****y” tone will instantly put your man on alert and most likely on the defensive, which will create an atmosphere ripe for disagreements and conflict. Sometimes life makes us tired, cranky and b*****y and that’s okay, no one ever said you need to communicate with your man when you are in a funky mood.

It is best to disclose your mood and ask that the conversation be moved to a later time so that you can give it your best attention. Then occupy your time and energy by deflating your angry or frustrated emotions by working out, cleaning the house, dancing, or any other activity that can release some energy. Just don’t take it out on your man; it will be of no benefit to the man of your dreams or your relationship.

You can do it baby!

 

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