What does it mean when you go on a first date with a man and he tells you he is kind of seeing another woman, but it’s not serious? Your first thought should be, “if it is not serious, then why is he telling me?” Second, you should ask him, on the spot, “How would she feel if she knew you were here with me?”
But why? What the man is actually doing by telling you about the other woman is giving you notice that if you start any kind of relationship, have sex, etc., do not be surprised when she pops back up later. This is the beginning of the contract offered by the man. It’s his way of giving you notice, nicely, that he is also having sex with another woman.
If you want to have sex, then proceed forward and have fun. But if you are a girl looking for a relationship, then this is the time to temporarily practice your celibacy (When to Sleep with the Man you are Dating).
If you really find the man interesting, always remember that between the time you meet him and the time you have sex with him is the best opportunity for you to tell him everything about yourself that you want him to know. It’s equivalent to writing a contract. You are actually writing the contract right now, so put everything on the table. Your counteroffer could be, “I’m interested but my brother is gay,” “I want to stop working in a year and start my own business,” “My best friend is a man,” “I’m a daddy’s girl,” etc. You may want to throw out something crazy, like “I want to have five kids.”
This is the period in which you can almost get a man to agree to anything. It’s full disclosure, before you have sex. This way, he can’t say that he didn’t know the terms of the contract, because you have just provided him a counteroffer. Now the ball is back in his court. But if you have sex with him before he knows anything, then you have already pretty much set the pattern for what is to come, and the contract is sealed according to his initial offer: “I don’t mind seeing you, but I am dating someone else,” which really means he is having sex with someone else. It’s kind of hard to go back and change the pattern or contract once it’s already set.
This is why it is so important to practice your celibacy now, especially since his focus is not totally on you. Remember he has already said he is dating someone else as well. So in this case we recommend you talk on the phone, go out to dinner, meet up but do not allow him to come to your house, nor yourself to go to his house. You can go to family gatherings where there are other people there, or his mom’s house, as long as his mom is there. But never, ever go to his house until you have a firm contract.
Allow him to spend his money on you, since he wants to be a player. This is the one time we are allowing you to let him spend his money on you. But always be a lady and leave a tip, and even if you feel like you are gaining ground, treat him as a reward for your progress and to show him that you are not stingy and cheap, which can be big time deal-breakers. No man likes a stingy woman. He will have sex with you, but does not want you to be his girl?
This will be a gauge as to just how serious he is about you. There is no need to tell him you are not having sex, (Single and Celibate? Why Mr. Right Won’t wait for Sex) just let him wonder and let his imagination soar. Look nice, look sexy, make yourself appealing. The difference is you are here for the kill (the commitment); therefore, you have to show yourself approved (Show Yourself Approved- Stand by the Man of your Dreams). You have to separate yourself from the rest of the “rat pack,” (women that use their bodies instead of their minds to attract and keep the man of their dreams)(The One Problem with being His Booty Call) which is only a temporary beauty. Real beauty comes from within and radiates out. The only way you will truly ever get and keep a man is through your mind, not your behind. By the way, why do girls always take pictures and turn their backside towards the camera? This is another subject we will talk about later.
Back to the contract. Understand everything you say before the consummation of the contract, which is sex. Unknowingly, the man has already agreed to your counteroffer. I’m sorry if he is a dummy and doesn’t already know this, but we are here to help you win.
How long should you hold out? We recommend holding out until there is no more conversation about the other woman, until all the conversation and time is spent on you. It’s called puppy love. You will be wondering, what happened to this other girl he was talking about? What happened is that he met you, a real woman worthy of his time and attention. What made you special is that you took the time to get to know him and basically forced him to know what is important to you. This is the challenge and the tug-of-war between men and women who find each other attractive when they first meet.
Most men want to have sex with you, then fill in the blanks later. Sometimes this has a successful outcome depending on the experience and age of the man. It’s not recommended for men in their 20s and early 30s, (Dating the Younger Man) (Dating the Older Man) but it is to your disadvantage and sometimes to the disadvantage of the man himself, especially if you end up pregnant. He may end up saying to himself that he wishes he would have taken a little bit more time to learn the details of what is important to you, because what’s important to you may not be important to him. Your life goals and desires may be totally different from his.
But really, there is no exact formula. We are just giving you the most common scenario. There is always an exception to every rule. We are not advising you to go with the exception, but with what we know will work. It takes a little longer, but it will give you the best chance of reaching your goal of entering a committed relationship with the man of your dreams (The One Problem with Being His Booty Call).