The wonderful world of technology has made texting a huge part of how people interact with each other. (How Technology Can Make or Break Your Relationship) Many people will text all day long with anyone from friends and family to people they are just getting to know. Texting for every single reason for communication doesn’t seem to be going anywhere anytime soon. However, texting to get to know a person you are trying to date isn’t going to get you the communication you need in order to build a long-lasting foundation. Texting can almost be a chickenshit way to start a relationship, because it tells the person that he or she is not good enough for a phone call. Texting is generally letting a man know that you will just end up a booty call.

Expectations

Once you meet someone online or you have given your number out to a man in a bar, naturally you are going to expect some type of communication through the phone. Most people would assume that a conversation will begin by the man calling the woman, but that isn’t the case anymore. Men have gotten lazy and think that a few text messages mean a date or a booty call. Unfortunately, some women allow this!  For instance, a friend of mine is attractive, smart and has a great  job. She is always giving out her number to men; however, it is what happens next that always screws things up. Her phone will beep, and she will be very happy that Sergio from the store remembered to get in touch. The text will read something like, “Hey girl, it’s Serg! What’s up?” Within a few texts, she gets invited to go back to his house, if he is not already at her house. Any grown adult is going to know that sex is expected, and the man is thinking that this lady is super easy. My friend feels bad, because she knows that sex is expected and so will have some form of sexual contact with the guy. Why do this to yourself? Texting is not communication. Texting is for friends, or for couples that have been together for a long time and who already know each other. A quick check-in for dinner or to get something from the store, maybe, but not to build a relationship.

When is texting acceptable?

There are a few occasions when texting is okay. Once a few dates have been established, and perhaps the man of your dreams (MOYD) is running late, a text stating, “Running late, on the way” can be a quick way to correspond. Or, a check-in during the day saying, “Thinking of you” is a nice way to communicate. If you text a few messages throughout the day to each other, that is fine. However, when you have only been on a few dates, and he texts you all night long–where is the phone?  How about just calling?  Women have allowed men to do the texting thing, and it has let the communication walls fall down. In the beginning of a relationship, communication is one of the most important factors. If you have found yourself dating a texter, you need to let him know that you don’t find communicating that way productive. Just be flat-out honest, because if you don’t say something, the annoyance will build up to the point where you will just get angry. Also, if your man doesn’t change his ways, then you know he needs to go.

One of the most important factors in building a strong relationship is communication. It is the key to helping a relationship get off the ground. If a man cannot call or set a date to meet up and have dinner, then he is probably not ideal for you to continue seeing. Also, when a man can’t call and just texts, it generally means that he is dating someone or lives with someone. These are all warning signs that perhaps he is hiding someone else serious in his life. If you went to dinner with a nice guy and everything was respectable, then you can allow text messages from time to time, but do not let them become the major method of communication. Use the text messages as a quick method to set a date for a phone call or a location to meet. However, never hear about a person’s life story through text messages, because that means there is a severe communication barrier out of the starting gate. Your relationship will never stand a chance.

Is this verse in the Bible about sex before marriage no longer applicable? I am just curious to hear your point of view, ladies. I am not a preacher. I am just asking.

Black’s Law Dictionary, Fourth Edition defines “immoral” as “inconsistent with the rules and principles of morality.” I am using Black’s Law Dictionary because the Bible is a book filled with natural laws and principles that govern all relationships. A plane flies and a battleship floats if you follow the same laws and principles every single time. So if we are acting in an immoral way, it would suffice to say that we are working against the very principles that lead to our success.  Food for thought. Let’s continue.

The whole problem with sexual immorality is that it harms our “right thinking,” especially for women, who are emotionally driven, because we are letting our body rule over its creator, our spirit. When we are led by our bodies, we imprison our intuition or spirit, and thus our ability to think clearly, e.g.,“Suzy can never seem to make the right decision at the right time.” Women may think they have the ability to sleep with multiple men, but eventually get confused. It usually backfires. This is simply because men detest women who do this, unless it’s their profession.

I know what you are thinking: It’s the food! It’s the genetically-modified organisms (GMOs). Yes, maybe that is partially true, but don’t blame your actions on food. The reality is that when given the option to wait until marriage or to have sex whenever they desire, today’s women have almost unanimously chosen the latter.

Wow, is all I can say. But I am confused. So, you mean to tell me that all throughout history, women were just playing the virgin role because society dictated it, when all they wanted to do was get naked and have sex whenever they chose?  Darn. All you had to do was just tell us that’s what you wanted, and we could have saved a hundred years and a whole lot of man-hours. But the catch is that men, and people in general, don’t like or appreciate something that comes too easily.

The baby boomers were really horny. They had so much sex that they created a movement. Now they are trying to restrict us from having sex through condoms, birth control and fear of disease. (Let’s Talk About Sex Baby!)  Okay, that’s hilarious.  They all had their fun and now want to stifle our freedom of movement. What happened? What did they discover? All jokes aside, let’s get back into the meat of our discussion.

I really want to know what happened to the concept of the virgin. I asked this question recently at a relationship conference and the women looked at me with such disdain and laughter, it was like I had said something straight out of the 19^th century. These days, women are having just as much sexual intercourse as men. (Ladies, What’s Up With The Ovulation Kit?) Herein lies the problem. In a man’s mind, he still prefers a virgin, or at least a modern-day virgin, i.e., a woman who has slept with five or fewer men. Now, when you get up in the 10s or even 20s and you don’t remember, don’t want to discuss it or say “next question, please,” we have a problem. You see, men desire to marry virgins, as opposed to women who have slept with numerous men. Many of you remain single for this very reason–a secret men keep to themselves:

“Hey, Tim, have you seen Suzy? I am interested in her.”

“Mike, Suzy has been around the block a few times, to say the least. You might want to consider other options.”

I know you are screaming, “Not fair!” Ladies, I did not make the rules. I am here to help you reach your goal of finding and keeping the Man of your Dreams (MOYD) by giving the absolute honest truth and a clear understanding of how men think and feel.

So what to do?  Well, obviously we cannot turn back the hands of time, but what you can do is constantly have a clear understanding of how men think and feel and continuously invest in being the best person you can be. This will attract the best results.

Let’s briefly talk about the significance of women sleeping with numerous men, and how it can get right smack in the way of you finding and keeping the MOYD. First, your reputation precedes you. There is nothing worse for a man than a woman who has slept with a number of his friends and associates. In a small town, you’re dead. In this case, moving and reinventing yourself is often the best solution. It’s downright embarrassing for a man when, as he stands there holding your hand, the fellas are all comparing notes and laughing. This is not good for his advancement or solidifying his future business relationships. Other men are looking at him as if he were dumb or weak. I know it sounds stupid, but this is reality. Men talk and compare notes, especially when it comes to a very well-known, promiscuous woman.

Secondly, women often take on the energy of the man they have been sleeping with. Birds of a feather flock together, meaning that if your man was a no-good bum , and you were with him for a couple of years, than some of those bad habits unknowingly rubbed off onto you. You get used to having to treat him a certain way:  “Johnny, are you going to look for a job today, or just play XBox and PlayStation all day long while I work my butt off to take care of this family?” (Are You Losing Respect For Your Man In The Relationship Because You Make More Money?)  You’re in control of the finances, the family and the relationship. Now, after breaking up with Johnny, you meet Teddy, who is a responsible man, but you still carry the mental baggage of being with a lazy man for so many years. You sabotage your new relationship with Teddy because you cannot believe a man could be so different. You are so used to talking to a Johnny like he is a little boy that this energy unknowingly comes across in your new relationship. Why? Because, like sponges, women absorb the energy, bad or good, of the men they are sleeping with. This is one of the reasons why a woman can be with one man and stab another in the back at the same time. It depends on whom she is sleeping with, communicating with or loves at that moment. It’s dangerous for men, and it’s an emotional nightmare for all parties. It’s really amazing to see how women who are cheating, or women who enter into a new relationship, change their behavior drastically. They act differently, start to make little smart remarks or cannot go places with their friends anymore. Geez, what happened? Are you in a relationship or in jail?  Your man or your friends may not notice at first, but eventually, they will start to see a different you, because you have now taken on the energy of that new man.

Thirdly, taking on another man’s energy often leads to picking up on his bad habits. Conversely, if he is successful and hardworking, you will take some of that energy with you to the next relationship. So you have to be careful that the next man’s energy is not in conflict spiritually, physically or sexually. There is a lot going on in one sexual act; more than you realize. Why? When your animal instincts overrule your intuition, many of the finer vibrations you receive in the sexual union go unnoticed until it’s too late. Then you say, “It was fun while it lasted,” or you regret having sex with that particular man. Now you cannot take it back and it is recorded in the history books, all because you were not conscious of your actions.

You can always tell a lot about a woman by whom she was previously having sex with, and by what she does or does not do, physically and mentally, in her new relationship. If she lacks sexual experience, the man is wondering what type of man tolerated such a lack of performance in the bedroom, if she was not a virgin? If she has too much experience, he is wondering who she was doing it with. (All Vaginas Are Not Sexually Pleasing to the Male Species as Assumed)  A man can tell by what you do or don’t do. He can also tell by what you know or don’t know. You cannot fake a sexual encounter or, for that matter, your daily habits. If your man opens the door for you and you sit there while he is struggling, with a bagful of groceries, to get his key in the lock, and you do not even think to open the door, it is a reflection not only on your upbringing but on the type of man you most recently dated. If he is smart, it will be an automatic red flag:  “This woman only thinks of herself. I better end this now.” Often, the man knows that you are not the one, but his animal instincts will overrule his intuition, and he continues traveling down a road that he knows he should not. This is the sin against nature; the immoral behavior the Bible often speaks of. It’s doing something because you want to feel good but that you know intuitively is not right for you.

So whatever happened to the concept of the virgin? It seems that we may want to revisit some of the old principles, since they created more success in relationships. Granted, there were fewer distractions in those days, but in a world that is ever-more-challenging and sexual, we may want to build a solid foundation on principles that have been proven to work.

1       A woman who engages in promiscuous sexual intercourse, usually for money; prostitute; harlot; strumpet.

(Understanding Why Men Treat Some Women Like Queens and Others like Whores) I know you all like free t-shirts and concert tickets from V103, Power 106, 94.7 the Wave or whatever your favorite radio station is. But men are not the radio. Ladies, if you cannot truly offer to leave a tip after a nice dinner then you should not go on the date. Suggest something like, “How about I save you some money. Let’s go to the grocery store and I will make you a home-cooked meal (10 Dating Tips on How to Be Different From the Competition!).” The whole point is, you have to do something besides look pretty or you are “ho-ing.” If the man insists on spending his money, it’s okay for you to accept, but know that now he is your ho. It is what it is, “Big Willy”.

Trust, if you really want to find out what’s on a prospective Man of your Dreams’ (MOYD) mind, test him. Ask him this simple question: “Hey Bob, instead of you taking me to dinner, how about you just give me the cash, and I will be your dessert?” The truth will be revealed in his response, which nine times out of 10 will be, “Okay, Suzy, I really wasn’t hungry anyhow. I am a dessert man.”

Bob just told you that his priority is to have sex with you. It’s the major reason he is taking you out and paying for your dinner. This is how most men think, with our third leg first, then rationalize our actions later. Would he have had the same desire if you were just a friend? He’d say, “Suzy, I have to call it a night. I have an assignment due in the morning.” In that case, Bob does not want any sexual gratification from you. But usually, if we don’t get “dessert,” we think, “Why did i just spend four hours at dinner, when I have an assignment for work due in the morning?”

Women compound the problem by playing into our little trap. There are no free lunches. Everybody wants something, including you. A man knows you want to eat and drink, and just like a genie in the bottle, he will grant your wish to get what he wants: “Eat and drink good, you shall!” He’s thinking, “Yes, she is falling right into my dinner plans,” and you, meanwhile, are thinking, “Another free meal!” You have a plan to eat, and he has a plan to get you into bed, maybe not today, but certainly tomorrow. Again, there are no free lunches.

Now, the whole point of this is to even out the playing field and help you gain our respect as a human being, instead of as a whore. Why? Because women who are considered productive human beings are sought after and go on to become wives. To end any thought the MOYD might have of you being the next girl on his booty-call list, throw a curveball and see if he can hit it.

As a general rule, never go on a date without some type of equal exchange of energy. It could be a simple as baking cookies, meaning, if he is willing to pay for dinner, you should be willing to pay for dessert or sacrifice yourself. If he has a high-paying job and you are making minimum wage, it is right for him to treat, but it is also right for you to leave the tip. Otherwise, in his mind your lacking class, consideration,  and your indirectly being purchased for a $50 meal, . Don’t worry, we are not judging you. Almost every woman has her price. “Girl, Bob is making seven figures and he is starting to look real cute.”

Dinner is just one example. It could be a pair of shoes, your rent, cell phone bill, car payment, clothing, or whatever the man thinks you need or want that will make you happy and willing. Gifts are little invisible contracts that oblige you through your subconscious. Always remember that every man wants something, even if it is a simple as a “thank you” with some sugar on top. The more you receive without giving, the more it will eventually work against you. You cannot expect to continue to receive without getting caught on the back end. Why? Because that’s what 99 percent of men intend from the very beginning. It is how most healthy heterosexual males think. Our goal is to give you what we think you want so we can ultimately have sex with you. Now, if you ask Bob the same question as above and he honestly says sex is a non-issue because he has been celibate for four years, then you may have found a man that is purely interested in your intellect. Weird! But I don’t know how sexy that would be.

The concept of “free” does not exist in a successful, balanced relationship, and something will suffer: you, him, or all of the above. Have ever noticed how many beautiful women in Hollywood, including stars, date men with money?  Yes, these ladies live a posh life for a time, getting their hair and nails done, their rent or car paid for, etc., but as they get older, they are either replaced by the next hot model or, if still in the relationship, are suffering mentally by being with a man who does not love them for anything but their image. (Understanding The Big 9 Reasons Men Cheat on Beautiful Women)  It’s the nature of the beast. Even these women who were once the pick of the litter realize the game eventually gets old.

Gaining respect and separating yourself from the myriad of other beautiful women is as simple as being unselfish and thinking of the MOYD as you would think of yourself. If you do not want it done to you, than always be considerate and don’t do it to him. Be the example you desire, always. (Women have the Power to Help Men Become Better) If you do not want to be treated like a whore, then don’t act like one. With this thought in mind, not only will you separate yourself from the competition, you will have made yourself ready to receive that lucky MOYD.

Like any other beautiful bird who flaps its feathers to gain the attention of the most suitable mate, you must also separate yourself from what the average woman does on a daily basis so that you stand out when it comes to attracting the MOYD.  Many would say they are not in competition with the next woman, but with the pickings being slim, I would beg to differ.  But you are right. It is not necessarily a competition, but a stab at individuality that could attract that special MOYD. Remember this morning when you went to your closet and spent 30 minutes trying to figure out what you were going to wear today–which colors, which shoes?  If it did not matter, you certainly would not have spent that time, and you might as well buy uniforms and wear the same outfit every day.  Ironically, then you would actually be different, but maybe not in the most positive, communal sense.  So stop fooling yourself. Being different does matter and does separate you, and it certainly will attract potential men of your dreams. If you agree, keep reading.

Do you really think the Man of Your Dreams is that dumb, and women are that smart, that we just have no clue what your normal patterns are? Or that we do not record in our minds what hundreds of women have said in response to basic questions?  How many times have we heard the same boring responses?  If you want different results or to be treated differently, act differently. Listen and use your intuition and five senses, as opposed to basing all your answers on fear or programmed responses.  Yes, we understand that the average man may not have a clue, nor will he admit to you that he has heard that line a thousand times before, but in the back of his mind he is thinking just that. The problem is, most men will never tell you this because their immediate objective is to capture the prize.  Once it has been captured and secured, then they start to analyze and ask questions.  “Who  are you?”  Most men chase, capture, then ask real questions after the fact.  This is our problem, which later becomes your problem.  The best way to prevent this is to recognize your biggest fears and frustrations in meeting new men and overcome them with knowledge, and by actually talking and listening to the candidate.  Yes, due to time constraints, you could choose the third option, not to speak at all, but please be respectful in your dismissal.

Programmed responses automatically signal to the MOYD that you are not using the gifts inside you, and that you are cheating yourself and him in the process. Because of your fears and programming, you will be less likely to recognize him or any other MOYD unless he fits into a certain preordained mold.     Even if he had on a t-shirt with word “MOYD” printed on it, you still would not be able to see him because you are not using your intuition.  This behavior is very typical when a woman meets a man.  Remember, the fears you project come looking for you, but if you project positive energy and love and expect something good to happen, then those things will come instead.  Most women are driven by fear and then wonder why they’re single.  Be different; get over your fears by facing them.  Next time that guy goes out of his way to say hello, make time. You are single!  Be different than all the rest!

Ask yourself, are you trying to attract the average man or the MOYD?

Following is a list of what typical women do upon first meeting a potential MOYD.  If you want to be different, listen up.

1. Ask “How do I know you are not some crazy stalker?” (Why Do I Always Attract Crazy Men?)  The only way you are ever going to know for sure is by your initial conversation. If you truly listen within that first two minutes you will be able to discern exactly the type of individual you are dealing with and whether you want to move forward.  Men are simple, and he will reveal who he is and his intentions in the first 60 seconds. You just have to know how to recognize the signs.  (How to Interpret a Man’s Approach in 60 Seconds or Less) Don’t make this any more complicated than it is.  The real problem is that most women don’t truly listen.
2. Say, “I am too busy right now and have to go.”  You and I both know that the only place you were rushing to is your empty house with one cat and a dog.  Make time to meet new people.  It’s the only way you are going to meet the potential MOYD.  Face your fears of meeting people head-on.  Your days of being single will dramatically decrease.
3. Wait for the MOYD to approach them.  If you see someone you like, go for it.  Who cares what the latest Hollywood romance suggested?  The question is, do you want a man or do you want to be at home alone in bed when you don’t have to be?
4. Limit the type of men they are attracted to. It’s like on an application form when they ask your race, and they have that box that says “other.”  Check that box in your brain.  True love sees no color, and this will increase your options dramatically. Once again, why be at home alone when the only reason is that you’re scared to meet other people?  I know, it’s like an episode of “Lost.” “Who are the others?” (Is Race Still Relevant in the Dating World?)
5. Judge a book by its cover.  You never know; the MOYD might just have gotten off of work on a construction job, or just come from the gym, which would explain the sweaty smell.  The fact that he was able to approach you while not in his best light says something for his confidence.  A plus.  Keep in mind that a shower, a shave and a change of clothes could quickly turn night into day. So ask yourself the most important questions. Is he nice? Does he have good manners?  Is he considerate of your time?  And last but not least, does he work construction or did he just come from the gym?
6. Take his number, tell him they’ll call him, but never do.  Do you know how many women give this corny line?   Ladies, the principle of cause and effect governs all, and I cannot stress enough that your words can and will be held against you. They vibrate like radio waves and will come back to bite you through some other man that you are attracted to. Then it’s your turn to receive some of what you unconsciously put out into the universe. The best way to avoid stepping in your own boo-boo is to be different than all the rest, honor what you do and say and do your best to keep your promises.  (The Evolution Of The Player. How Does A Regular Man Become A Player On The Dating Scene?) Here’s the scenario: You have given this corny line out so much that when you do meet the MOYD, it is he that will not call you back, and then you blame all the men on planet Earth for this one’s mistakes.
7. Go to the club obviously dressed to get attention, then say they have a boyfriend. But he is nowhere to be found. Then we see them a few minutes later conversing with the next man as if they are single.  Huh?   Once again, the natural laws of attraction are at work. You are purposely attracting men to you, but why, if you have a man?  Would your man like that, or are you just using it to get rid of us?  If so, it has a two-edged negative effect.  If you really don’t have a man, you are constantly lying to men. Honesty is always the best policy. And if you really do have a man, you should not be at the club attracting all of the wrong attention as if you were single. If your imaginary man were to find out, you might as well stay at the club, because you will soon be single for real.
8. Give the potential MOYD their number but never return his calls or texts.  Okay, this is what happens in a man’s mind. We start to overcompensate and look at women as a numbers game.   We try to get as many numbers as possible, because just like the airlines, we must overbook, knowing there will be some no-shows, cancellations or duds in the group.  To the observing woman it may look as if this man is the proverbial player, but in actuality, he already understands through experience the nature of meeting new women.  Nine times out of 10, it’s the woman who is approached by the man and therefore has the power to dictate her desired outcome. (Women have the Power to Help Men Become Better) Once again, when you are not getting the result you want, think back to how many times you have given a man your number and never returned his call or, for that matter, never intended to.

9. Flat-out give a man the wrong number.  That’s cold!  Ladies, we know you think you have great reasons for giving a man the wrong number, but it is the rudest of dating behaviors.  Just put yourself in the man’s shoes for a moment.  You’ve gotten all dressed up and are looking great to attract the MOYD, so naturally you are going to attract other men.  A man meets you and is excited to communicate with you. He asks for your number, gets home the next  day  to give you a call and some guy named Teddy picks up and says, “Hello!”

Him: Hello, can I speak to Jenny?

Teddy: Jenny who?

Him: Jenny??

Teddy: Man, you have the wrong number.

Can you say, next to the worst feeling in the world? How low did you just make that man feel?

10. Fail to take responsibility.  You meet a nice guy, speak a few times and even go out on a date, and then you get real flaky.  Essentially, you do not value the words that come out of your mouth.  You will tell a man you are going to call back and never do.  You will tell a man you and he are going out one night, then you never show up or even call to apologize.  But the next time you do speak to him, a few days later, you will have an excuse that puts him at fault, instead of apologizing and taking responsibility.  Believe me, karma and the natural laws of the universe are alive and well and eventually catch up to us all.

Halle said to Oprah that she would never get married again. Those ladies are two peas in pod. So let’s set the record straight, so you don’t ever want to get married again, but you want to have babies by multiple men? Hmmm. Something is definitely wrong with that equation. Lord have mercy. Somebody better call T.D. Jakes.

Let’s back up. How can a successful, Oscar-winning actress, drop-dead gorgeous, even in her yonder years, be unable to find the right man to say “Hell Yes?” Oh my goodness, are you kidding me?  Halle, it’s okay to go ahead and pick from the myriad stars of the NBA, football and baseball (sorry scratch baseball). Okay, I know you ladies think that I am being extremely hard on Ms. Berry, and for that I apologize. All jokes aside, Ms. Berry is such a beautiful and successful lady that there is really no excuse, except that she might not know how to find and keep the man of her dreams. It’s really okay. All you have to do is say “help,” or “I really do not know what I am doing.”

It also appears that Halle is actually avoiding the problems with her past relationship issues instead of addressing them head on.  It is number #3, Not Taking Responsibility or Action, on our list of The Top Ten Mistakes Women Make in Finding and Keeping the Men of Their Dreams, avoiding looking in the mirror at yourself as part of the problem.  It is always easier to blame someone else or just say I will not do it, but it is hard to take responsibility and say I made some mistakes and have a few issues I need to work on within myself to be a better companion.

So let’s dig a little deeper and see if we can spot the potential problem.

Okay, so who’s the new dude?  The last man of her dreams tried to get alimony. First of all, what type of man tries to get alimony from a woman?  The alimony was Halle Berry. Wasn’t she enough of treat? And he had a beautiful baby by her. Hmmm, okay. So once again, bad choice for Ms. Berry, but we are not mad that she chose a man with apparently very few financial resources. Actually, we applaud Ms. Berry for putting money to the side and choosing love. This is very honorable and certainly a step in the right direction. Sometimes things just don’t work out, and that’s okay.

But let’s take a quick look at Halle Berry’s past dating experiences. Wesley Snipes, unfortunately, hit the most beautiful girl in the world upside the head. Huh? I wonder what that was truly about. We certainly do not condone Wesley’s actions, but we do wonder, when you dig a little deeper, what Halle could have said or done to cause such anger. It’s the principle of cause and effect. (8 Tips For Understanding How To Defuse a Hot-Tempered Man)

Moving onto David Justice, she chose one of the most successful baseball players of his era and could not stay married to him for more than five years. He divorced her. What would make a man divorce one of the most beautiful and successful actresses of all time?  If asked, what would Dave say could have made Halle a better wife? (Understanding Why Men Run From The Altar?)

Moving on to Eric Benet. Halle, along with the media, claimed Eric had a sex addiction, yet, like Dave, he was married to the one of the most beautiful and successful women in the world. The question I have for Eric is, also, what would have made Halle a better wife?   (Understanding The Big 9 Reasons Men Cheat on Beautiful Women)

The pattern is of a smear campaign against her exes. The coverage seems to be all in Halle’s favor, with her of course being the victim and the others being at fault. But Halle came home drunk one night from a club and did a hit and run. Who does that?  Being perfect or thinking one is perfect is a major problem in the success of any relationship. What we honestly need to hear from Halle is, what have you learned and what do you think you need to work on to make you a better companion, married or unmarried?  And when Ms. Berry truly answers that question and takes it to heart and works on her inner self, she will have more success in her relationships with the man of her dreams. So ladies, if you never see that you are as much at fault for the failure of a past relationship as your man, you are not truly open to improvement and will thus continue to suffer and repeat the same mistakes with every man. At this point, it does not matter what Halle Berry’s new baby daddy’s name is. Sorry dude, no pub here. What matters is that even if he were a relationship guru, the best he could do to make the relationship a success is taking responsibility for his 50 percent. Just as it takes two to make a child, it takes two responsible, willing and forgiving souls to make a relationship a success, no matter who you are, rich or poor, famous or not.

Ms. Berry, we love you , and congrats on your new baby, children are certainly a blessing.

Solution 1:  Look at your hand. Of your five fingers, pick which finger you are and which finger you believe your man to be. Now realize that every finger is important but not equal in height, length, weight, or responsibility. Realize your man may be the little finger and you the big finger, and the two fingers, although equally important, will never match up in ability.  If you choose the middle finger as yourself, please realize that there is only one of you that can fill that role.  Knowing your role and what is expected will help alleviate confusion and frustration in your relationship.

Do you feel stuck because you’re an independent woman?

Love is sacrifice. The big question I am sure you are asking at this point is, how much sacrifice is enough?  Let’s have you answer some qualifying questions.

1    Are you sexually turned off?

2    Are you mentally turned off?

3    Do you feel like you want to attack?

4    If money was not an issue, would you still be with him?

5    Do you feel like he is a liability?

6    Do you feel like telling him, “If you get up off of your bum…?”

7    Are you downplaying your stress and worry because he has nothing financially to offer?

8    Are you unequally yoked?  (How Important Is It Too Be Equally Yoked In A Relationship & Share Equal Values?)

If your answer to these questions is yes, as somebody once told me, “learn to fail quickly.” If no, let’s see what we can do to potentially help you make things a little more amicable on the homefront. How do you communicate possible outcomes and solutions without tearing his soul out of his body?

1    Take responsibility for the (sorry) choice you made in choosing the MOYD. Don’t fret, everyone makes mistakes.  Next time, take your time and read our ebook first.  It is guarantee to prevent you from repeating the same mistakes twice.

2    If you live together, you could suggest getting less-expensive living accommodations to meet his income level. We know you do not want to live in the ghetto or some bad neighborhood, but don‘t get mad at us. We did not pick the MOYD, you did.

3    Be realistic with yourself about your choice for the MOYD, your goals and his abilities. Absolutely do not add more air to the balloon than it can realistically hold, e.g., the housing market bubble.

4    Tell him, “You can do it, baby.” The power of encouraging words can turn water into wine (The Five Magic Words the Man You’re Dating Secretly Wants You to Say)

5    Raise your level of expectation for yourselves. Set goals together for what kind of lifestyle you desire in the future.  Expect the best and you will attract and receive it.

6    In the instance where the MOYD lacks leadership capability, be his mama. Hold his hand in the relationship and lead by example if necessary (a topic to be discussed later).

7    Focus on all the great reasons you chose him as your mate: hot, passionate sex; he’s funny; he’s reliable; he’s handsome; he has a great body; he’s great with kids and as a potential baby daddy. Don’t focus on the negative. At some point, though, you may have to realize the obvious: that some men are simply not good at making money, and your man just may fit that description, for the following reasons:

A man who is not a good breadwinner:

1     Handsome or not, cannot hold a steady job to save his mama’s life, much less yours.

2     Handsome or not, is always starting a new business every six months.

3     Handsome or not, lacks education, experience and discipline.

4     Handsome or not, has muscles out of this world and wants to be the next Mr. Olympia. Have you ever researched what the average bodybuilder makes on a good day?

5    Handsome or not, is always seen out or at the club, with no real purpose other than to pick up the newest fling for the evening.

6    Handsome or not, all of his friends are constantly seen at the club, gym, etc.: all the places to constantly meet women all the time.

7    Handsome or not, his words do not match his actions and behavior.

8    Handsome or not, has no future plans and lives day to day.

The point is, you can only be good at what you spend most of your time perfecting. You cannot be at the club, gym, eating out all the time or starting a new business every six months and expect financial success, or for that matter, to even be a good family man. We know that most every woman is asking herself when she meets the potential MOYD, is this my future baby father? There are only 24 hours in a day, so let’s do the math. Real success is created over time through dedication, persistent belief and hard work, and you absolutely cannot be physically in two places at the same time. Nor can you even be mentally in two places and expect to be successful in a competitive world.

Now that the hot sex sections have simmered down and the smoke has cleared, ask yourself some real questions. By the way, these are all questions you should consider before getting involved with the potential Man of Your Dreams or, more accurately, man of your financial nightmares, if having money is an important component of your relationship (eBook coming soon !).

1    Is the man of your dreams a hard worker?

2    Does your relationship make financial sense?

3    Is your man younger than you?

4    Is he educated, either self- or college?

What to do

Yes, we know you are not perfect, and we know you are not trying to hurt your man’s feelings, but the lazy man will either look for excuses, blame you, or will not be able to understand your viewpoints, unless the shoe is on the other foot. Why?  Because, in order for him to truly hear and understand you, he has to be responsible. This often means dealing with deeply-rooted issues and fears that he can no longer hide. This can often bring the worst out of a person, because the real issues lie within him and have very little to do with you. And when you touch on that sensitive spot, it awakens the real conflict within him. More than likely, he already knows that he is a failure and was just hoping that you would not find out, like the ostrich sticking his head in the sand hoping his enemies will not see him.

Do you piss off your man?

Again, often what you are experiencing are his insecurities from his past relationships or failures. Is he angry? He may be angry because he is letting you down and does not know how to make the changes within himself to create a different and more prosperous outcome. He may be angry simply because he does not know how to be the man you need and want him to be. We, again, know that you love your man but feel like you cannot stand him at the same time, so we invite you to ask yourself the following questions;

1    Would you love him and live with him if there was no money?

2    Is he using you? (5 Sure Ways to Know if the Man You’re Dating is a User)

3    Can you accept him for who he is right now, as opposed to who you hope him to become with your coaching?

If you answer to questions one and three were yes, continue. If your answer to question two was yes, learn to fail quickly.  There is a verse in the Bible, Matthew 7:6, “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.” Isn’t this the complaint of many women today?

That being said, the only real solutions that remain are:

1    Accept him for who he is and realize that he may never be able to help financially in any significant way, but that hopefully his other wonderful qualities balance out the financial deficiency.

2    Keep repeating those five magic words to him, “You can do it, baby,” but also help him set up a financial and business plan to be successful and hold him to it step by step.

3    Change or accept the decision you made to be with this man.

4    Be honest with yourself about your goals and expectations from a relationship perspective.

How do you sort through the fallacy of the man being the head of the household when you are the breadwinner?

Remember you are you, and what you know how to do well, the MOYD may not know how to do. He may not know how to make money or even have the confidence to do so, or may have low self-esteem.  Just accept the fact that you are the middle finger, taller and smarter than the rest.  When you reflect, ask yourself, why did you choose this man? You may then have to ask yourself, who was at fault for choosing this man?

Always remember that just because he is a big, strong man physically does not mean he is strong mentally or even spiritually.  A man is only the head of the household when he acts accordingly and has the mental capacity to be.  How do you know? A good man is willing to sacrifice and look out for your best interests, and the best interests of the family in general.

Too much pressure

The only person we can truly change is us. We can also change our focus on meeting other like-minded people.

Learning to fail quickly is the key to creating future success. It’s okay if the relationship you broadcasted across the Internet, Facebook, Instagram, etc. only lasted less than a year. The key point is to know who you are and to be confident in knowing you gave your best. Your best is all anyone, including yourself, can ask for. What you truly needed in your relationship from this man, he may have never even possessed. It often takes time to get to know the real person you’re dating.  One year is about the time it takes to uncover the mask of mines that may be hidden under the surface. Time is always the determinant factor. You can only pretend for so long.

Does he have to meet you in the middle financially?

You would hope he does, but the real answer,  is no. He does not have to do anything, including meeting you in the middle. We only hope our mates understand our frustrations and meet us in the middle with an attempt to solve the problem.

Have you ever said to yourself, If we can only work past this point, we can make it?

The best advice we can give is to listen to your inner spirit and to be honest with yourself about you future goals and plans.

Here is a suggested plan for those who want to get past the breaking point in your relationship:

Please note: If your breaking point on a scale of one to 10 is a nine, please exit the relationship when you get to a seven.  It’s just not worth it beyond this point, and it tends to get very ugly.  Even the sweetest woman can turn into the Wicked Witch of the West when pushed too far.

We definitely commend you for giving it your all.  It is all anyone could ever ask of another person in a relationship.

So sit down with the MOYD at an appropriate time–not during his favorite football, basketball, or baseball games, and not when his stomach is empty.  Set a time that is good for both of you to sit down and plan the following  together.

1. Make a list of goals for the next seven, 30, 90, and 180 days.

2. List three characteristics you would like your man to improve.  Have your man list three characteristics he would like you to improve.  At the end of 30 days, evaluate and grade using a scale of one to 10.

3. Decide on rewards and punishments for either upholding and improving or failing to improve. Rewards should be something simple for you and or something that will help educate him on the subject matter in which he has fallen short. It could be a good book, DVD, etc.

4. Make a list of realistic financial responsibilities. For the man who does not make a lot of money, financial responsibilities can include chores.

5. Build in playtime for each other; at least three hours out of every work week, not to include sex time. This is quality time spent communicating to each other in a fun way.

6. Be honest with yourself and list three things you feel you need to improve on.

7. Write down all the reasons you can think of why you love him. Ask him to do the same for you, and when you get mad at each other, you must read out loud those reasons.  This is your true test.

8. Set personal goals for yourselves to make you a better person every day.  Constantly ask yourself what you are doing to make yourself a better person.

9. List three deal breakers.

10. What are your visions for the next year, three years, and five years?

11. Take it one day at a time, and do not expect miracles overnight.

12. After the seven- and 30-day checkpoints, list improvements you have seen in your relationship.

13. Sign a contract and post it in three visible places in your home. Keep a copy on hand at all times for yourself.

It could be a positive relationship for all parties, depending on what the desired results are. Some of you ladies may be of the opinion that a smart woman should not get involved with a married man in the first place. Yes?  I am going to plead no comment on this one, but I will say that marriage is a contract and that if all parties are in agreement, who are we to say what another human being should and should not do? (Should Marriage Vows be Updated?)  I recommend that the woman who does get involved with a married man do so with no expectations that the husband will leave his wife to be with her. This is unrealistic.

One possible reason the married man can love you and his wife is that forever is a long time to solely love one person. In addition, his wife may be lacking in some areas of the relationship, but not enough to want a divorce.   Or sometimes men just need a different feel, taste and touch, and in that respect, it has nothing to do with the wife. The reason is because men are external feelers and often just want to fulfill their desire to feel the inside of another woman. It’s fun. The only way a man will stop feeling that desire is when he has had enough to know that if he has had one he has had them all. But as experienced men, we all know that each sexual encounter with a woman is always a mystery and will draw curiosity. This is why men at the gym who see a  beautiful woman will all instinctively look at each other and motion with their eyes or mouth, saying, “Did you see her?”   What they all would like to know is how would it be to have sex with her?  Many will never say this directly, of course, because it is not the proper thing to say, but in the back of their minds this is what they are thinking. Why else would we all be looking at your butt when you walk away?

Once again, I know what you are thinking. No, it’s not all we care about?  It’s just a natural instinct for the healthy, heterosexual male. Of course, he would like to get to know you better, but not necessarily in your preferred order.   Why?  Because men are exterior beings who tend to want to feel before we think, compared to women who are more internal beings who tend to think more before they feel. 1+2=3. Right?

Can a man truly love two women at the same time? It is our belief that the answer is yes, a man can truly love two women at the same time, because he loves each woman for different reasons. He loves his wife because she is responsible, trustworthy, solid, stable, thrifty and conservative, but he may love the other woman because she is the exact opposite, and when you put the two together, it’s a great combination. But also sometimes, it could be as simple as a man wanting to feel the inside of a different woman. This is truly how a man thinks. I know it’s hard for you to understand.

Okay, once again we know what you are thinking, that he is just telling the woman what she wants to hear–false promises–so he can continue sleeping with her. Our collective response is so long as all parties are being honest and upfront, so be it.

Does he have fantasies of marrying you, traveling with you or having kids with you?  You ask, is this a joke?  Actually, his fantasies and dreams to be with you could be more real than you may realize. If he is spending enormous amounts of time with you, more than likely something at home is not quite right, and in his mind, being with you is what he would do if only he had the courage to do it. The problem is that most men are cowards.

Should you ever get involved in this kind of relationship?  It really depends on your goals. If you know you want to get married, than the obvious answer is no. It is unrealistic to expect him to leave his wife for you.

Do you want to have children?  The reality is that having children in this scenario is possible, but do not expect him to be with you full time.

If all you need is a good time and a great lover, than this scenario is very possible and could last for many years with an honest, open relationship.

The two biggest mistakes that women make are not truly listening and taking seriously what men are telling them, and thinking later that you are going to change his mind. Not likely! Sorry, honey.

I’m sorry, but women are some of the best liars on planet Earth and have thus helped to create the player in men. Shocked?  You probably never looked at it that way, did you?

So this is what happens:  You are approached by a potential candidate at the post office, and you give him your phone number. He asks when is the best time to reach you, and you give some lame answer like “I don’t know” or “Call whenever you like.” He says “okay” and walks away a little dazed, because your answer was really vague. So he goes home, excited about meeting you, and calls you later that evening. He gets an answering machine with no voicemail. He then thinks to send you a text message and gets no response. At this point, he does not even know if he has the right number. Gee, thanks. But thinking positively, he says to himself that you are probably just busy and that he will try again tomorrow. Tomorrow comes, and you still have not returned the call or text. As a general rule, you should be able to return a phone call/text message within 48 hours of first meeting a man. If you cannot return or intend to return a call within the first 48 hours, just say no, and don’t give your number out. You are not ready to meet anyone new unless you have clearly explained that you will not be available until such-and-such time and date. So now, two days have passed and you have not returned one call or text message. He is now getting disappointed and pretty much chalked you up to the birds. So by the time you do call, he has met several women who now all seem to call on the same day, as if there is a full moon out tonight. As men, we are like, “Wow! What to do?”  Strange as it may seem, women all seem to get horny about the same time of the month, and all of a sudden, the regular man has his hands full and has to learn how to manage crowd control. Now, the regular man who was only looking for one good woman all of a sudden has many options to choose from, and his ego begins to grow as he realizes he can attract multiple women at the same time. And this is how a regular man becomes a player.

If women knew what they wanted from the beginning, made a decision using your intuition and other tools such as sight, touch, smell, feel and sound, not only would you have the momentum, (Understanding The Principle Of Momentum In A Relationship) but most men would not be players, but happy and satisfied.

So here is how not to contribute to the ever-growing player population:

1    Do not give your number to a man if you do not plan to return his calls or text messages within 48 hours.

2    Do not make promises you do not plan to keep.

3    Do not overbook or double-book your schedule, like many airlines do.

4    Be straightforward and upfront, letting your “yes” be a “yes” and your “no,” “no.”

5    Do not break plans at the last minute simply because you got what you consider to be a better offer.

6    Have a solid set of principles you stick to no matter what, or else you will be all over the place and miss the opportunity with the Man of your Dreams. Remember, just when you broke your date was the same day he met Suzy Q at the grocery store. Now he has two options when before he was only focused on you.

7    Always be respectful and considerate of his time.

8    Always consider treating him the way you would like to be treated. Be that example you desire (Women have the Power to Help Men Become Better).

9    Realize you have an equal amount of responsibility in creating the player in men.

Always remember that each disappointment he receives tears at his foundation and you are thus helping the regular man become the player. How? Because he is tired of being lied to, hurt, rejected and stood up by your compadres, and he realizes that were he to wait on that one woman, he would be quite a lonely man. The only way to protect himself is to go fishing. Believe it or not, somewhere in our masculine structure, we have feelings, too.

Here’s a playback of what happens inside the mind of a man: He was really focused on you when you first met, but with each “no” you gave him, his mind, dreams and attention went elsewhere, and by the time you said “yes,” he is like, “okay.” But his energy is not the same, and now the relationship is more in his favor, and soon you are wondering why you are not a priority in his life anymore. He is now trying to get away from you instead of pursuing you. What a switch! And of course your complaint is that he does not spend enough quality time with you, but you forget that in the beginning, when he was asking to spend time with you, it was more important for you to hang out with your girls. Now he wants to hang out with his guy friends.

Remember, in the beginning, it was you who provided the example that hanging with your girls at the sports bar on a Friday night was okay, and therefore it was you who originally set the tone and momentum. Everything else in your life was always more important than spending any quality time with him. Ladies, men subconsciously remember how you first treated them, and it will later come back to bite you in the booty. So know what you want from the start and be aware of the example you are setting for any future MOYD conduct.

One potential reason women lose the momentum in a relationship is because they fail to understand how to use their beauty in their favor. Saying “yes” at the right time is everything to a man who really likes you. (Perfect Love? President Obama and 1st Lady Michelle Obama)  In addition, you may have failed to realize or perhaps took it for granted that all your man needed to hear was you saying “yes,” and that “yes” would have filled him with such happiness that you could do no wrong, ever, so much so that it would take a thousand men and women to tell him something to the contrary. Example:  “Hey, Teddy, we saw your girl out last night with some guy at the sports bar. “Nah, man, that was not my girl.”  You can do no wrong!

Now, when you have lost the momentum in a relationship, it seems like almost everything you do is wrong. Men are simple, so if you want to create a successful relationship with a man just KISS (keep it simple, stupid), because later in the relationship, you certainly do not want him thinking you are immature, irresponsible or make bad choices.

I know what you are saying: You had no idea that you would one day fall in love with the very same man you use to ditch for your girlfriends, but his persistence was exactly what you needed to settle that ass down, and now you want to spend your every waking moment with him. You don’t want to go to work; you want to sleep in and cuddle. You don’t want him to go to work; you want to have babies, etc. We know! Always remember the difference between a rich person and a poor person is that the rich person was able to strike gold and gain momentum before the poor person even recognized gold was present.

The key to mastering the Momentum Principle is to know a good deal when it hits you upside the head. Look at it this way: If you know a two-carat diamond ring is under the rug because you see this lump and you looked, are you going to take a chance and wait, hoping nobody else will find it, or are you going to jump on that diamond right now?  (“Girl, what are you doing on the floor?  You okay?  “Yes, Tina, I am okay. Just having a moment.”)  If you can see the same value in a man and jump on him at the right time, you gain the momentum and will always be in the driver’s seat, unless you get caught cheating. (7 Signs a Woman is Cheating)

Now the big question at this point is how to know when a man is serious about you?  Here are a few quick pointers:

1    He recognizes that a man cannot be physically in two places at once.

2    He attempts to call or text you on a daily basis.

3    He always picks up the phone when you call.

4    He makes you a priority in his life and will stop what he is doing to come to your aid.

5    He attempts to be a little more patient when sleeping with you. This is just good common sense. How much can you know about a person when you have not had the time to get to know them? (When to Have Sex with the Man You Are Dating)

These are just a few quick pointers, but for a more detailed explanation see (Understanding How We  Know You are the One).  Once again, remember the Principle of Momentum, combined with a little practical common sense, allows the energy to flow from you to the man and back to you, following the path of least resistance. It is truly an art, but once you understand and master it, you, my dear, will be in the driver’s seat. Men are really just that simple (KISS). Feed us, burp us and we are happy.

Great. Thanks, Ex-BF.

Of course women can, and many do, find happiness in a long-term relationship. Unfortunately, we all (men and women) have to go through the bad relationships where we aren’t happy to get to the good one–you know, THE Relationship–where we are. The question is, how do you make certain that THE Relationship is happy? While every woman is different, there are two basic things a man can do that will equal “happiness” to most women.

In my case, my ex was right: I hadn’t been happy in our relationship because I wanted things from him that he didn’t want and/or couldn’t give, which leads me to the first path to true relationship happiness with any woman:

Find Out What She Wants and Give it to Her.

This doesn’t just mean buying her things, guys. Think of it as finding out what she loves, or wants, or needs, and then show her that you support her in these things.

If your girlfriend is a dog-lover, show her that you also love dogs. Try to get to know and show affection for her pet. Do not, no matter how annoying her dog is, kick, yell at, or in any other way distress the animal. Remember that it’s not really about the dog itself, or about you. You’re doing this to show your woman that she is special to you and that you want to take care of her, even if all she needs from you is someone to give her yappy little purse-dog a bath once a week.

The second and perhaps more important way you can interpret this tip is to find out what she really needs and give her that; i.e., what is her innermost desire?

Take me, for example. My father abandoned me, so needless to say I have some issues around being wanted. I really, really need to be shown that the man in my life absolutely wants me around. My ex knew what I needed, but wouldn’t give it to me. He’s the strong, silent type, which is okay, but I needed more than the occasional smile to feel secure about his feelings. Unfortunately, he doesn’t like overtly demonstrating affection, and no matter how much his daily indifference hurt my self-esteem, he wouldn’t or couldn’t behave any differently.

In a happy relationship, each partner feels that his or her needs are being met. So if your girlfriend needs you to kiss her like you’re in “Gone with the Wind” every freaking day in order to feel secure, DO IT. Do not complain, or get resentful, or accuse her of being manipulative or wanting too much from you or whatever else. Remember, your goal is to make her happy. When you give her what she needs, you make her happy. Thus, you are also getting what you want. It’s win-win.

The upside to this, of course, is that you should be able to expect some reciprocation here; you may have to cuddle her a lot and like her stupid dog, but she’ll probably respond by learning to play “Diablo 3” with you and not giving you a hard time when you go out with your friends.

“But what if my girlfriend really needs to buy expensive clothes using my credit card to be happy? That’s not fair, is it?”

Of course not, unless you’re extremely rich and like buying people things. This brings me to the second way to make sure you’re in a relationship with a happy woman:

Be Honest About Who You Are and What You Can Give.

A significant portion of men who say they cannot find a happy relationship also admit to desiring women who don’t really suit them: i.e., the pudgy, balding stockbroker who’s constantly hurt by supermodel girlfriends who cheat on him with better-looking men. This is awful, and the poor man definitely does not deserve to be cheated on–but he’s also not being honest with himself about what he can give these women. If they want to date a rich and ridiculously attractive man, they won’t be satisfied with just one of the two. Maybe that isn’t fair, but we all know life isn’t fair. (It also isn’t fair to the girls who would probably love to be in a relationship with a pudgy, balding stockbroker, but who never get a chance because they’re not “hot enough” for him, right?) The point here is that in order for you to be happy, you must stop trying to force a relationship with someone who wants things you cannot give and start looking for someone who is happy with what you have.

This goes for personality, too. I once dated a guy who really didn’t want kids. I did, so to make me stay he said that maybe I could change his mind. Of course, that meant I was constantly trying to change him in order to get what I needed, and that made him resent me. I even went so far as to start arranging to take him to get-togethers with my friends who had kids, or volunteering us to babysit in the hopes that he would get bitten by the baby bug–or at least stop hating kids so much. His love for me withered under the constant pressure for him to give me what I needed. The truth was, no matter how much else he gave me (and he was great in almost every other way), it wasn’t enough to make up for that one point where we disagreed.

Bottom line: Don’t try to give what you don’t have in you. Most likely you’ll fail, and your girlfriend will feel like you were either leading her on or she was never good enough in the first place. Even if you succeed, feeling forced into unnatural behaviors will just make you resentful, and knowing you resent her will make your girlfriend unhappy, even if she’s technically getting what she wants.

An important note: “Be honest about who you are” also means being clear on what you want.  It’s hard to do, especially for nice guys and people pleasers, but it’s important to realize that if you aren’t getting what you want–even after you give her what she wants–then she’s not the girl for you, no matter how much you may otherwise like her.

When you’re going through bad relationships, it might be hard to believe that eventually you’ll find someone. But you can, and you will! And when you do, happiness for her will be a relationship with you, a guy who can honestly, sincerely be the man she needs.

Okay, here’s the scenario:  It’s Friday night, and four girls are sitting at a table in a sports bar, looking great, of course.  Two guys walk in, and one of the guys (Teddy) happens to know one of the girls at the table and guy#2 (Bear) met the same lady briefly and actually had a  great conversation with her on a previous occasion.  She is from a foreign country and Bear actually had visited this remote place.  The girl in question has a boyfriend, at whose birthday party she met Bear previously.  The girl in question promised to keep in touch with Bear by sending a Facebook request, but she totally forgot due to the busyness of life.  When she sees him, she apologizes and gives him her phone number so the two can catch up later.  Bear  is really fond of the young lady, and the lady knows this, so while everyone is seated at the table, he wants to know more about her in a respectful way, so he is persistent in his pursuit.  The two are speaking but her body language is somewhat leaning away. Do keep in mind that music is also blasting, so it’s hard to hear. Maybe he is speaking too loudly, but she is not telling him to sit down or go away.  Now the girlfriend across the table rudely interrupts and starts going off on Bear, telling him that he is making her girlfriend uncomfortable.  To him, it was a shock, to say the least.  Did Bear do anything to warrant such a response?  He was not speaking to her rudely or touching her; he was simply speaking to her for a few minutes.  The girlfriend later apologized for her behavior and agreed that Bear did not deserve to be spoken to in that way.

If you want different results, you have to be different.  Why is it that women think it’s okay to yell, scream, and use bad language with their man, or even a total stranger for that matter?  How could you ever expect any man with any common sense to respect you or want to be with you if you are treating him this way? The most attractive woman will quickly become the least attractive.   We are not pointing fingers, because the above scenario goes both ways.  And I will take some of this advice myself.  I know we as human beings are not perfect, and understanding this, we should apologize for our mistakes, take responsibility and constantly work towards self-improvement so that we can attract the man or woman of our dreams instead of the man or woman of our nightmares.  In all actuality, the man of your nightmares could very well be another woman’s dream man, just because she talks to him and treats him differently (Understanding How To Speak to the Man of Your Dreams 101; Yes, Sir, No, Sir).  You might say, “He was not like that when he was dating me.”  Hmm, I wonder why?  You can bring the worst or the best out of a man simply by the way you speak to him.

So, would you like to know how to bring the best out of the MOYD? You can do this through love, kind words, encouragement and lots of patience, and most importantly being the example you desire.  (Women Have the Power to Help Men Become Better)  The answer lies in the opposite direction of how you acted last night with your girls, such as in the above scenario.  For all of you ladies who want to know, finding and keeping the MOYD starts with being a better, new and improved you, and only you can do that.  Improving you is the only option you actually have control over.  Once you realize that you have the power, you can choose to start or stop a potential forest fire by simply using a different tone.  When dealing with men, it’s just that simple.  Now watch how you get what you want with ease and much less effort by communicating with the MOYD in an even, calm tone. Watch how he reacts to you.  He will be thinking, is she okay? Who is this new person? Is this some type of setup?   I love you more. Please stay.  If you are wondering, men also have this power, but we are here to help you get the results you desire out of any man, including friends and co-workers, with the least amount of effort and resistance.

Women have the power, because most men view you as the softer, gentler soul.  But I have to be honest, more women today show this not to be true when they are given the power to do and say what they please.

We recommend that women guard their words and thoughts carefully, so that once spoken they are more effective. Always remember, a man is still a man. He is most likely physically stronger and could intentionally or accidentally harm you in the heat of passion (Should You Ever Call 911 on Your Man;Yes, Sir, No, Sir).  Was it worth it?

Abuse goes both ways, and if you do not want physical or verbal attacks, then simply take the high road and remain calm, or do not participate at all. Instead of pushing your man away, you will set an example for him to follow.  How many times have I heard married men saying  in private, “I was great until I married her.”  Eek!  You can change that perception by being different and taking full responsibility.  If you said or did something not nice, simply own up to it and apologize.  Men are just that simple.  By the way, most men are cowards when it comes to dealing with their women. When they get home, like a little puppy dog, they do exactly what their woman desires until they cannot take it anymore. Then one day they just get up and walk out.

Here’s a bedtime story for you to remember:  Once upon a time, a beautiful princess was walking through the forest and a lion came up to her and said hello.  It was a hungry lion, but she was nice to Mr. Lion, so she never had any fear and thus never heard his roar.   In fact she never even knew he was a lion.  Her perception did not change the fact that he was and is a lion.  Every man is a lion, and will always have the potential to roar, but you have the power to neutralize him.   Believe it or not, the principle often spoken of, turning the other cheek (Matthew 5:39, Luke 6:29), makes you strong as opposed to weak, because we know you could have said anything you desired but chose not to.

So, should you interrupt a man who is speaking to your girlfriend?  If the man is being rude, unruly, talking to her in a negative fashion, or touching her inappropriately, yes, you should interrupt.  Otherwise, if he is just having a general conversation, even if your friend appears to be a little uncomfortable, let her put on her big girl panties and handle the situation herself.   Interrupting a man speaking to your girlfriend or dragging her off to the bathroom or dance floor is rude, and shows you lack class and manners.  Do you even realize how much courage a man has to drum up just to approach you? It is really a shame that nice guys get no respect, but that’s a topic to discuss later.  How would you like it if you see a man you’re attracted to and his friend just walks up and snatches him away right in the middle of the conversation?  There is nothing worse than the girl at the club who prevents men from approaching her cute friend, as if her friend cannot speak for herself.    You are not always going to be there to protect her.

There are many who also tout that they are “hopeless romantics,” but I much prefer the term “hopeful romantic,” especially when I’m single. Love is about hope. You can’t possibly find love or have love find you if you aren’t hopeful. You also might throw a dash of faith in there. It’s easy to like someone, but love is something that most of us want, seek and desire, because of the powerful energy that results when you combine forces with another and “fall” or “rise” in love.

Throughout my relationships, flings and casual dates, I’ve learned many lessons—of which one of the most important is tolerance. When you take someone as she is now, and not who she might become, or who you want her to become, you give her a great gift. That gift is called acceptance. Acceptance is beautiful and important both when dating and in a relationship.

The other quality that’s important is compassion. Compassion is connected to love and is defined as having empathy for someone’s misfortune and wanting to alleviate it. It’s an emotional quality. Compassion means to “suffer together with,” and relates to the mantra “Do to others what you would have them do to you.” I’m not suggesting that in love you should suffer, but there will be both good times and hard times in a relationship, and when you love someone—really love someone—you would bleed for her. There really isn’t anything you wouldn’t do to help the person you love.

Love is about respect and trust. You can’t possibly have a relationship without trusting someone. It’s also imperative to respect someone’s needs and desires, and to understand them even if you don’t understand her wants. You don’t have to agree with them, but make an effort to understand them. True love is selfless and it asks only that you put someone’s needs at a high degree of importance. Factoring in another’s emotions shows you care. All these traits are characteristic of love.

When you are in love with someone, there is a feeling you get inside that makes you glow. Suddenly colors are brighter, you may be inspired with creative ideas, you smile more, the hard things don’t bother you so much and there seems to be a contagious nature to your energy. Others just want to be near you. When you are in love, you give off a “love vibe.” I’m sure you’ve noticed that when you’re single you don’t have this vibe. But ironically, when you are in a relationship and happy, you usually get asked out more than when you’re single. It’s frustrating, but when you’re single you may give off a desperate vibe, and others can sense it. But when you’re happy and content, there is a calmness to your energy and you radiate it. Others want to be near you. That is the power of being in love.

What is NOT Love?

I’ve dated enough guys that weren’t healthy for me that I’ve learned what love isn’t. I’ve been tangled up with men that I’ve loved who didn’t love me back. There have been many men I’ve wanted passionately, but they rejected me for reasons they could only explain with such reasons as “I don’t want a relationship,” “I’m not into monogamy,” or “I’m not over my ex.” If you are a man who feels this way, don’t get into a relationship with someone, because you’ll end up hurting her. Only date when you are ready, open and available for love. When you date and you aren’t commitment-minded, issues and drama crop up.

What isn’t love is selfishness. Many men I’ve dated unfortunately have been selfish, and it’s a bad quality to have when dating or in a relationship. Selfishness causes arguments. It’s such a demanding quality that it causes much friction, such as cheating and lying, which also aren’t love. Unfortunately, I’ve been through both of those with several men. They’ve cheated and lied to me. You can’t possibly love someone if you’re cheating and lying to her. That’s a version of love that is dysfunctional, and it doesn’t do either party any favors. When you cheat and lie, you put yourself and your needs first. You don’t factor how you can hurt your partner, and you set yourself up for breaking up. Even if your partner takes you back, you inevitably won’t have trust.

A relationship without trust isn’t worth having. You will always question your partner’s motives, whereabouts and activities. When you do, you are acting out of jealousy. That’s not love. Jealousy is totally fear-based and makes you act out of insecurity. Be confident, feel secure and have trust, and your relationship will be much healthier. Love isn’t abusive. There is no way you can tell someone you love her and then abuse her either verbally, emotionally or physically. You can’t trust someone who is abusive. True love asks you to respect its delicate nature. It needs trust. Relationships depend on mutual respect, trust, tolerance, compassion and love.