We are a bit nervous about writing this article because we know you may not want to hear what we have to say. Some of this may not be what you want to hear, and this is actually the very reason men don’t tell you what we really think. But we hope that you can benefit from our honesty as part of a potential solution to this age old problem.
We know that women hate cheaters. Just the mention of …Tiger Woods… will likely begin a heated discussion. We agree that what he did was wrong, awful, stupid, screwed up, and everything else . . . but please remember that we’re all about providing solutions. As Relationship Coaches, we’re here to help save relationships, not end them.
Elin Nordegren stated that she had (understandably) “been through hell.” To that, we say, why go through hell if you don’t have to? If you knew hell was down the road, would you go? We are here to help you avoid the pitfalls that women often do not see until it’s too late.
Tiger is not the first or the last. So why do men cheat? Here is our honest, male perspective on cheating, and how a situation like the one Elin found herself in may have been prevented.
While the Tiger Woods story is a worst-case scenario, he represents an extreme example of what could happen when women’s fears don’t allow men to be honest with them.
Even if we don’t ever commit the actual act, we, at the bare minimum, will picture it in our minds.
As you well know, men are visual beings. To be perfectly honest, we like to look at and sleep with other women, even if we’re in a committed relationship. Even if we don’t ever commit the actual act, we, at the bare minimum, will picture it in our minds. Just like Colombus, men want to explore. Most women don’t want to hear this because they want to believe that they’re the only one their man is ever going to be attracted to. This is just not realistic in our modern day world. In our ever changing society filled with temptations and increasingly beautiful people, we are often affected by what we see. These temptations dramatically increase with success and money. Don’t take this personally. It’s not a personal attack on you, and it has nothing to do with whether we love you or not. It’s purely a physical thing, but we don’t tell you about this because we’re afraid of hurting you.
Men have fears just like everybody else. When we’re afraid to express our true feelings, we hide them. We fear that you don’t really want to hear something about us that is not in perfect alignment with the painted picture you have of us with the house, white picket fence, 2.5 kids, and the family dog. Many a man enters into a committed relationship without really understanding what it means. Years later, he finds himself like a genie in a bottle, with no outlet to truly express how he thinks and feels. If he says anything other than what is expected of him, he is dead meat, and looked upon as the worst creature on Planet Earth next to Tiger Woods.
The way to help prevent cheating is to open up a dialogue of trust so that your man can express his thoughts to you about his physical attraction for other women without you going el pollo loco. If he senses that you’re going to go crazy on him at even the mention of an attraction for another woman, then he is certainly not going to share those thoughts with you. This increases the chances of him developing a secret life and cheating.
People usually want to do the things they can’t do because they’re forbidden.
People usually want to do the things they can’t do because they’re forbidden. Part of what makes the forbidden exciting to a man is that it’s an act he secretly desires to do. The key for women, strange as it may sound, is to not have fear. Expose his feelings before they develop into something forbidden. When you open up the gates and bring some of the darkness into the light, you’ll surprisingly get the opposite of what you think. Understand and embrace him. Get him to open up and trust you with his feelings. He will feel a sense of relief and love you til death do you part. Why? Because you understand him and are not afraid to listen – something that many women don’t do.
We’re not saying that Elin was in any way at fault for her situation. We’re just providing our male perspective on the problem and its possible solutions. The bottom line is that allowing us to be honest with you is key. So, what if Tiger had told Elin beforehand that he wanted to sleep with dozens of strippers?
Well, the question is, would you rather know or would you rather not know? If you know, you at least have a choice. If you have a choice, you have the opportunity for problem solving as opposed to not having the opportunity because you never knew about the problem.
Many women take the wrong approach by being antagonistic. Take a different approach by creating an environment for honesty, and working to make yourself the best you can be. This is what’s going to help him become a better person. Ultimately, the man who cheats will do it until he realizes that all the sex, drama, money, and sneaking around was just not worth it. When he has a beautiful, compassionate, and understanding woman who shines above the rest, he’ll start adding up the drama versus the amazing woman you are, and even the most extreme player will have to come to the mathematical conclusion that cheating is just not worth it.